When I graduated from college in 2023, I knew I wanted to return to Northern California, where I was born and raised.
But after living with my parents in the Bay Area suburbs for six months, I accepted a job in San Francisco and needed to move closer to the city for work.
There was just one problem: I didn’t know a single person in San Francisco. Although I grew up in the area, all my friends had scattered across the country.
I debated living alone, but ultimately, as a natural homebody, I wanted roommates to help push me outside my comfort zone and be more social. Having people to split bills with would be nice, too.
Desperate to live with someone I even vaguely knew, I tried to connect with a few distant friends of friends, but preferences never aligned, and nothing ever worked out.
So, I decided it was time to expand my options and turned to Facebook groups of people looking for roommates in San Francisco.
After hours of scrolling through posts and vetting people through Instagram and FaceTime calls, I found three women — three strangers — to live with.
Signing a lease and moving in with people I didn’t know was terrifying at first, but now, nearly two years later, I can truly say my life in San Francisco wouldn’t be as full without them.
In my case, living with strangers gave me built-in exploration buddies and made dividing up chores easier
All three of my roommates were from out of state, and like me, they didn’t know anyone else in San Francisco. That meant all of us were equally motivated to get out, explore, and say yes to any adventure.
During the first few weekends of us living together, we bar-hopped across our neighborhood. It felt like being a freshman in college all over again, except our campus was now an entire city.
My roommates slowly transformed from strangers to friends after each excursion, from attending a running club together to buying tickets to attend the Outside Lands music festival on a whim,
Much to my surprise, my three roommates even showed up to cheer me on as I ran the San Francisco Marathon — my first-ever half-marathon — just a month after we moved in together.
It felt great to make new connections and step out of my comfort zone.
If I’d lived alone with friends I already had and knew well, I don’t think I would’ve felt the need to explore and branch out. It would’ve been easy to stick with what’s comfortable and familiar, like hanging out at home or visiting the same routine places, instead of trying new things.
Another perk of living with people I didn’t already have relationships with was that I felt more confident I could voice my needs.
When I’d lived with friends before, there was always the fear of ruining the relationship in the back of our minds, so unspoken tensions grew, and chores remained unfinished.
Some of the friends I lived with would leave the kitchen and living room a mess for days, but I never felt comfortable speaking up because I didn’t want to be seen as the “nitpicky one” in our group or potentially jeopardize a long-standing friendship.
I no longer have this problem now that I live with people I don’t have a history with and who are roommates first.
If one of us doesn’t clean, forgets to lock the door, or neglects to take out the trash, I always feel like I can be upfront and ask them to pitch in.
The arrangement isn’t always perfect, but living with strangers has worked well for me
Yes, there are some setbacks about living with strangers that I would be remiss if I didn’t mention, like the initial awkwardness that comes with getting to know new people and the possibility of having incompatible living styles.
I’m definitely glad I spent time thoroughly vetting my would-be roommates via video calls and messages before signing a lease, since that helped lessen awkwardness and ease some of my anxieties.
I’m also grateful that the process of searching for potential roommates helped me make new friends before I arrived in San Francisco. I still keep in touch with several people I met in those Facebook groups, even though living together didn’t work out.
Regardless, I understand that moving in with strangers doesn’t work for everyone, and I got really lucky.
I’m so glad I kicked off this new season of postgrad life by seeking out new people to live with. It’s gone so well that we have no plans to move anytime soon.
But if I do ever relocate to a different city, I know I’ll be right back on Facebook, scouring through groups of strangers in search of roommates, eager to once again share a home with unfamiliar faces.
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