Astrology has wormed its way into dating, compatibility, and now, sexual performance reviews. Redditors have been sharing their bedroom experiences sorted by star sign, and two signs kept coming up for all the wrong reasons.
Before the dragging begins, a disclaimer: intimacy is personal, astrology is not science, and plenty of people have had perfectly fine sex with every sign on the wheel. That said, the internet has spoken, and Sagittarius and Cancer are catching strays.
Sagittarius
The Sagittarius complaints on Reddit paint a consistent picture: confident, enthusiastic, and almost completely apathetic about feedback. “I have never ever met someone who was a worse listener, who was so bad at receiving feedback, and who is more selfish than him,” wrote one user, adding that he spent the whole day being difficult and still expected her to be in the mood.
Another noted that her Sag partner “was convinced that he knew what every woman wanted based on his ex-girlfriend.” One commenter, a Sagittarius woman herself, reported that a Sagittarius man was still her worst experience. Someone else said: “Sag man was my worst, hands down. Would immediately jump up to shower afterwards and then go do something else in the house.”
The experts at PureWow offer a gentler read: Sagittarius is a fire sign driven by novelty and variety, which makes them excellent for a fling and considerably less reliable as a long-term partner who actually pays attention.
Cancer
If Sagittarius was accused of being too focused on themselves, Cancer got accused of disappearing into their shell. “Cancer. I tease him, no reaction. I pleasure him—quiet AF…not even a moan. What am I working with here?” one Redditor wrote. Similar complaints popped up throughout the discussion, with people describing partners who seemed withdrawn, hesitant, or hard to read.
Astrologer Ruby Miranda, writing for YourTango, got right to it: “Cancer is one of the worst zodiac signs in bed. Almost. This sign of the zodiac has produced some very careless people.” She added that the glazed expression some partners mistake for satisfaction is, in her assessment, boredom.
PureWow takes a more charitable view, noting that Cancers need to build trust before they open up, which can take time.
So if you’re three dates in and wondering why nothing is happening, maybe give it a few more. Or don’t. The stars aren’t going to tell you either way.
The post The 2 Zodiac Signs Most Likely to Disappoint You Between the Sheets appeared first on VICE.
