Throughout his life, my dad was incredibly focused on being successful and providing for our family, trying to ensure all of us had the best possible future.
He was good at it, too. He built us a beautiful home by the beach, studied with me so I’d get straight A’s, and took our family on countless vacations to Hawaii and Yosemite — all while running a business and putting money into his retirement fund.
Along the way, he postponed a lot of things he wanted to do, like finally taking that trip to Europe, buying his dream car, and relocating to Hawaii with my mom so they could spend their days sipping mai tais under the shade of a palm tree.
It was OK, he’d say, because once he retired, maybe in his 60s or 70s, he’d do all of those things. But then he got sick at 51. One year later, at 52, he was gone.
I was only 15 then, and I didn’t know how to handle losing the bravest man I knew. It was so unfair, and life suddenly felt incredibly short.
My dad planned to travel and experience so many grand things after retirement, but never got the chance. I didn’t want the same to happen to me.
His death changed my priorities and how I thought about the future
Losing my dad left me yearning to experience things he didn’t get to. I didn’t want to wait until an uncertain retirement; I wanted to live my life now.
After high school, I didn’t end up going to college, which, before my dad’s death, was the only option I saw for my future. Instead, I started working and saving up money to travel. By the following summer, I was able to make my way to Europe.
As I ate fresh slices of pizza in Naples and took in the sights from the top of the Eiffel Tower, I felt like my dad was right there with me.
That trip gave me a taste of a life I wanted to live.
Shortly after, I decided to pursue teaching English abroad in Mexico. It was another chance to see more of the world, but starting from scratch in a new country and learning a new language wasn’t easy.
It took time to find friends, and I didn’t always have a steady paycheck — but what I didn’t make up for in my savings account, I was making up for in life experiences.
After a few years, I had become fluent in Spanish, traveled throughout Mexico, and found a passion for writing and playing guitar. My confidence grew, and I felt I could do this somewhere else.
So in my early 30s, where years prior I would’ve thought I would be married with children, I packed up and moved to Europe, single, with some savings and no steady job waiting for me on the other side.
I landed in Spain and started building a life from scratch again in Barcelona. It was incredibly lonely at times, and I often compared myself to friends back home in Los Angeles, who had steady careers and were beginning to have kids.
But then I would think of my dad and how he’d always tell me I could achieve anything I put my mind to. I reminded myself that I chose this path. I was seeing the world and making my way in it, even if it wasn’t always easy.
I’m glad I’ve chosen to plan a life around experiences, not stability
I’m nearly 40, and I’ve been in Barcelona for almost seven years now. In that time, I’ve built a community and met and married the love of my life. I don’t have children yet, and my writing career is still blossoming.
I still haven’t prioritized growing my savings account or making concrete retirement plans. It can be a risky way to live, and sometimes I’m scared of what the future may bring, but losing my dad so young made me realize that nothing in life is guaranteed.
I’d rather enjoy the present and grab opportunities as they arise rather than wait and potentially never get to take them — and I’m grateful for everything my dad taught me, even if I only had him for 15 years.
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