This story is based on an interview with Rachel Stein, 44, a senior vice president at a healthcare communications firm, from Orange County, California. It has been edited for length and clarity.
My 78-year-old mom was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease over a decade ago.
At first, she was able to stay in her townhouse. As the illness progressed, however, she started having a hard time taking care of herself and preparing meals.
The biggest concern was that she might fall while going up and down the stairs. In 2021, we mutually decided that she would move into an assisted living facility a short drive from our home.
It cost around $7,000 a month, but Mom, who had worked in social work, was lucky to have the retirement funds to cover the fees.
She wanted peace and quiet
Still, she didn’t like the place at all, partly because it was too large and overwhelming with 160 other residents. She often got tired — a symptom of her illness — and wanted peace and quiet.
The food was horrible, and she was unable to do any of the activities she was paying for, like using the pool.
Mom would sometimes hint, saying, “Oh, I wish I could live with you guys.” We put it aside until two years ago, when I realized she was starting to get a little bit worse.
I wanted her to spend the time she had left with me, my husband, and my two sons, ages 12 and 9.
We were fortunate to have enough space in our home. But her bedroom was upstairs, so she still had to tackle the steps.
I was in a heightened state of worry that she’d fall. The boys, like other kids, would leave things around the house that could trip her. If they took a shower and left water on the floor, I would rush inside to dry it.
Our dog, Zoe, was quite big and jumped up, and I was afraid she’d knock her over.
It was incredibly stressful. I work full time from home and would be on a conference call, and Mom would need something or fall. At one point, we joked that she qualified as a frequent flyer at the ER because she was there so much.
Not only that, but I was being pulled between two worlds. It was hard to strike a balance, and I didn’t have time or energy to be completely present as a wife, mother, and carer.
There were moments when I thought, “Who is asking the loudest?” and was forced to decide whether to tend to Mom or the children.
I’d say to them, “Hey, guys, you can get your own water,” but my mom couldn’t do the same. She was dependent on us, and the onus was mostly on me.
My mental and physical health suffered
The situation definitely put a strain on my relationship with Mom. I loved her very much, but we both got frustrated at times.
We eventually brought in some carers to walk with her, make some of her meals, and provide companionship. They were great, but the help wasn’t nearly enough.
My sister, who lives in Canada, came to visit in February 2026. She saw how much worse Mom had gotten. “I don’t know how you do it,” she told me.
“I don’t think I’m doing it well, and it’s becoming a challenge,” I replied. Her care needs were beyond what my mental and physical health could support.
We soft-sounded Mom and, though she wasn’t too happy about the idea at first, looked for another assisted living facility together
The one we chose was entirely different from the first. It was much smaller, with a little over 70 residents, and it felt like a community.
A group of ladies approached us, unsolicited, and said how much they liked the place. We tried the food, which was really tasty.
We now have breathing room
Mom moved out at the end of March. She received the care she needed from qualified workers — such as help getting in and out of bed and walking to the bathroom — and was recently transferred to hospice care.
I visit her regularly on my own or with the family. It’s good to see her settled, and I can spend quality time with the kids. My husband remarked that they don’t fight as much as they used to.
It’s given us all breathing room. Having their grandmother at home was workable — until it wasn’t. Circumstances changed, and the family agreed — including Mom — that we were doing the right thing for her and everyone else.
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