Did you know that May is Mental Health Awareness Month? This time is dedicated to reducing the stigma surrounding various mental health conditions and spreading helpful information about our mental and emotional well-being.
One of the most detrimental contributors to someone’s mental health is an unfulfilling relationship. And unfortunately, research shows that 1 in 4 Americans believe they’re in a “relationship rut.”
Of course, this doesn’t mean your relationship (and your mental health) is doomed if you fall into a slump as a couple. In fact, many people give up on a genuine connection too soon. (Note: This does not pertain to toxic or abusive relationships.)
While you’ll find a ton of relationship advice on social media telling you when to leave your relationship, you likely won’t see nearly as much about how to fix your relationship problems.
Love itself is simple, but relationships are far from it. Even the healthiest and deepest connections will inevitably face adversity, inconvenience, incompatibilities, and even complacency. If you flee as soon as you notice signs of trouble, or stop trying once you’ve wooed your crush into committing to you, you’ll never get the chance to build something sustainable.
“One of the biggest mistakes couples make is putting in effort to win someone over, then stopping once they feel secure,” says Angelika Koch, a dating and relationships expert at Taimi. “That comfort is where neglect begins.”
Are you feeling stuck in your relationship? Here are four tips for staying—even when it gets hard.
1. Reassess Your Own Behavior
How have you been showing up in your relationship? Do you bring the same loving energy you did in the beginning, or have you pulled back? Do you treat your partner the way you want them to treat you in return? Do you meet your own expectations and standards for a partner?
“Audit your effort, not your feelings,” says Koch. “Ask yourself: am I putting in as much effort to romance my partner as I did at the beginning? Comfort can quietly become neglect.”
2. Address the Disconnect
If you did, in fact, notice a shift in your energy and behavior, it’s time to address it. Ask yourself what’s driving this change. Are you burned out? Do you feel unappreciated? Are you resenting your partner for something? Maybe you just got too comfortable too soon?
Whatever the case, it’s time to acknowledge and fix the disconnect
“Repair what’s broken instead of avoiding it,” Koch says. “Facing problems together as a team doesn’t just fix things—it strengthens the relationship in ways it hasn’t experienced before.”
3. Check In Regularly
Koch recommends checking in with your partner monthly to ensure you’re both on the same page. That way, you can air out any grievances and prevent resentment from building.
“It’s not uncommon for someone to have unmet needs they’re not openly talking about,” she explains. “Monthly check-ins let you see where your partner actually is—not where you assume they are.”
4 Learn Your Partner’s Love Language
According to Koch, you should directly ask how your partner feels most loved. Is it through acts of service, words of affirmation, or quality time? Perhaps a mix of everything? Clear communication will help you better anticipate and meet your partner’s needs.
“Showing love in the way you’re most comfortable giving it isn’t the same as showing love in the way your partner best receives it,” Koch says.
The post Before You Break Up, Read This: 4 Ways to Save a Failing Relationship appeared first on VICE.
