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Spit Take
Dear Work Friend:
I work in a small library. My co-worker has braces and after eating, she brushes and flosses using the sink in the break room. I find this gross. Several months went by before she realized her toothpaste was flicking off her electric brush all around the sink. She seems more mindful about cleaning up after herself now, but I still think this is gross. There are four single, all-gender restrooms in our library, but she doesn’t seem to want to use them. There is also a sink in the lactation room, which I mentioned to her, but she doesn’t seem to use that either. I find this co-worker annoying in general, and I realize this might be why I find her brushing in the open so foul.
— K.E.
I am of the strong opinion that mouths and teeth, in professional contexts, should remain inconspicuous and unobtrusive, outside of their necessary deployment for communication. In public workplaces, people should endeavor to avoid kissing, spitting, lip-smacking, whistling, humming, gargling, sloshing, tongue-clicking and, yes, brushing or flossing, for the sake of professionalism, cleanliness, tranquillity and concentration.
This is, to be clear, a personal opinion, not a medical or scientific one. The truth is that there isn’t anything deeply unhygienic or unsanitary about what your co-worker is doing. Her mouth bacteria aren’t going to survive long on a dry surface, especially when weakened by the antimicrobials found in most toothpastes. Provided her foam-spit isn’t landing in anyone’s food, brushing in the break room is arguably even more sanitary (for her) than brushing in a bathroom, where aerosolized waste particles might alight on her toothbrush.
Should we all be flossing at the break room sink? Well, no: See, again, my rule about mouths above. But our shared opinion about public flossing is rooted in cultural preferences, rather than any measurable effect on hygiene or health, and as such you owe your co-worker some grace and patience. She obviously doesn’t know it’s repellent — which means you may have to be the one to tell her.
I gather from your letter that you’ve “mentioned” the lactation-room sink to her, but it seems clear this mention didn’t register as the suggestion (or imperative) it was intended to be. That means — unless you’re going to avoid the break room forever, or escalate a petty workplace complaint to management — you’re going to have to be more direct.
I’m going to assume, based on the existence of this letter and the kind of slow-burning resentment it reflects, that you wouldn’t feel comfortable simply telling her: Hey, can you do that in the bathroom? It’s revolting. Instead, I might focus on your involuntary response rather than her oblivious behavior, and soften the request by acknowledging that in the end this is about your disgust rather than her inherent grossness. This is a weird “me” thing, you could say, but I get skeeved out at the sight of flossing. It’s embarrassing, I know, but would you mind doing it in the bathroom instead?
No matter how oblivious she is to mores about teeth in the workplace, presumably she has a basic understanding of the social contract, and now that you’ve escalated your communication from mere “mention” to “direct request,” your discomfort, and the appropriate solution, should be obvious. Just as you have extended some grace and patience to her, and alerted her to the ickiness of her behavior in a face-saving manner, she now can extend the same to you, and move the dental care out of sight.
No Raise for Me, Thanks!
Dear Work Friend,
I work for a medium-sized nonprofit. Budgets are tight and layoffs are happening, but I’m being considered for a promotion. It’s gratifying and I’m looking forward to the new responsibilities, but truth be told, I’m single, living comfortably and don’t need the additional income. Not that I couldn’t find ways to spend it, but there are plenty of people I work with who have families and a lower income than me, and I’d hate to know that I’m getting a pay increase while they’re struggling. Is it a bad idea to try to minimize the pay increase associated with the promotion?
—Anonymous
Yes, it’s a bad idea. In fact, it’s such a bad idea it makes me wonder if this question is a joint C.I.A.-Chamber of Commerce psyop designed to trick workers into turning down raises out of some misguided sense of duty.
I want to be kind because your intentions seem good. But I’m also not entirely clear on what your intentions are. Are you trying to help your colleagues? It doesn’t sound like you have any guarantee that your boss would reapportion your raise to other employees, and I’m not sure how much solace they would extract from this act of self-denial.
In fact, I suspect they’d mostly find it confusing. You’re living comfortably right now, but who knows what the next decade could bring? You might lose your job; you might fall in love with someone who lives on the other side of the country; a piano could fall on your head, Looney Tunes-style. There are many eventualities that could suddenly put you in the same boat as your “struggling” co-workers. They understand this by virtue of their own circumstances, which is why they would no doubt happily take a raise right now if one was offered, and why they’re not likely to be impressed by your eschewal.
Maybe you’re trying to assuage the guilt you feel at being the beneficiary of an unequal system. If that’s the case, why not use your position of security and influence to advocate better pay for your peers? If you don’t need the extra money, why not take and redistribute it — say, to labor or inequality-focused causes, or even directly to other employees?
If you’re worried about a rift opening up between yourself and your lower-paid colleagues, picking up the lunch tab once or twice a week and supporting their interests in your capacity as a respected, higher-level employee will go a lot farther at strengthening bonds of solidarity than loudly telling everyone you turned down a raise because you know they’re all worse off.
And if you don’t care about the interpersonal office dynamics, and are asking the question out of a wholly abstract sense of fairness and justice, that’s even more reason to accept the raise. When you negotiate your salary, you’re negotiating not only on behalf of yourself but also, indirectly, on behalf of anyone who might take the job after you. If you accept less than what your employer is willing to pay, you’re setting a lower floor out of which any successor will have to negotiate. You may be financially solid, but will that person be?
Indeed, on some level you’re negotiating on behalf of anyone else doing the same kind of work, now and in the future, at any workplace, and the salary you accept can provide a reference point for both bosses and employees elsewhere. You might be satisfied with your current rate, and want to avoid the appearance of greed in front of less fortunate co-workers. But the symbolic solidarity of refusing a raise is worth a lot less than the real aid of putting upward pressure on wages.
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