I stand firmly against the notion that anyone has less of a right to speak because of their gender identity. However, if you are a man and have chosen to act like a low-effort sack of biohazardous matter in terms of how you have historically treated significant others, then you have indeed forfeited your right to speak about the dos and don’ts of modern dating culture.
In other words, if you are a deadbeat, shut your trap.
Male laziness has meant that women are routinely deemed “unrealistic,” “high-maintenance,” and “needy” for having standards. Shaming women for clearly communicating their wants in relationships represents a step in the very wrong direction. We all have our preferences, and it isn’t too much to ask for a partner whose behavior reflects that he values and respects you to the utmost. Let’s be honest, due to a variety of factors that can be beyond their control, women often feel that they have much more at risk while dating, and men just need to show some type of investment. A man who doesn’t try to impress should be a hard pass.
Yesterday, a certain someone found herself triggered by select Reddit comments. When did some of us stop believing that women should be treated like princesses? I suppose that we should all take the attitude with our near and dear, parents and children included, that they are nothing special? The basic idea of women wanting flowers was even mocked by more than one heartless scrooge. Whereas Americans are habitually guilted into settling for empty vases, Slavic women see bouquets and much more as rituals constituting the bare-bare minimum. As millions of Instagram users have seen by now, there is nothing like a Slavic bouquet. That’s because the Slavic generosity of spirit is a force capable of rekindling your faith in humanity and sets an example worth following.
By contrast, Western male loafers make a habit of describing even low expectations as materialistic, but the painfully clear reality is that for the good women, it’s the intention behind kind gestures that count. While dating, both parties should put their best foot forward and demonstrate their thoughtfulness and reciprocity, and men should never feel exempt.
However, hookup culture seems to have cheapened everything to the point at which women are sometimes changed out as frequently as socks. Since relationships aren’t taken nearly as seriously as they used to be, women have been commodified even more, but, at the same time, trolls can’t seem to shut up on the internet about wanting to avoid putting out monetarily in a relationship. It might sound like a jump, but I always imagine these penny-pinchers to be the same types who, for some inexplicable reason, feel they are “owed,” or rather entitled to free and easy access to women’s bodies, and would scoff at the very real suggestion that the female form just might be something sacred.
“If a man thinks a woman is using them for a free dinner, they’re dramatically underestimating the value of your time and overestimating the value of the dinner.”
Whether or not men should cover restaurant bills has become a fiercely debated topic (and both parties should probably at least offer), but whining on social media about how you don’t want to pay for the person you likely asked out (and whose time you’re probably wasting) alerts everyone to your pettiness. We know what you won’t do, but what will you do? Your words could be put towards expressing how you want to be supportive of women and their emotional needs instead. Bottom line: Just stick to dating people you consider more than worth it, or eat alone. As influencers like Sora Lee have stated, “If a man thinks a woman is using them for a free dinner, they’re dramatically underestimating the value of your time and overestimating the value of the dinner.” She mentions the expenses behind a woman’s date look.
If I may be somewhat repetitive, this obsessive, “smallest-violin” griping for netizen sympathy about how a woman should pull her weight, be emotionally stable (a rather misogynistic comment), and be financially steady typically makes me think the men behind such posts are lard-rears interested in getting their hands into fat pockets while being mothered. The more sleazy men run their mouths about how relationships shouldn’t be transactional, the more transactional they seem for their benefit. It may be old-fashioned, but there is something charming in Goethe’s words, “Girls we love for what they are; young men for what they promise to be.”
Appreciate the being in front of you, and stop rudely asking her what she will bring to the table. If she is of any real character, she will find her own ways of setting that figurative table and enriching your life without your indelicate granny-nagging. On a related note, as someone who spent too much time on Hegel, I prefer terms like mutual dependence to all the talk about independence: None of us can exist in a bubble.
Why Some Men Think Women’s Dating Standards Are Unrealistic, and Why Women Are Pushing Back
Verily, if women aren’t careful, they can end up becoming the victims of parasites. We have all heard about unlucky ladies who dutifully work a day job, then return home to complete the vast majority of the housework and take the lead role in childcare, before being told that the dress they’re eyeing on their tablet is too expensive. I would venture to suggest that the obviously very positive notion of equality is sometimes weaponized by bad men, who twist it to mean, “You don’t deserve anything special from me,” while taking everything. Beginning in college (Mine was nothing more than a filthy hotbed of sexual assault…), I noticed that some of the narcissistic male students were attempting to distort feminism to gaslight, and their manipulation tactics were truly ghastly. (I think the proof that a fair share of male feminists are disingenuous lies in the fact that they supposedly abound, and yet I, for one, can’t remember the last time I’ve heard a man speak about the necessity of researching endometriosis.)
It is important to consider that not all women have the same wants and needs. If someone would prefer to sacrifice the idea of a career to raise children, a typically thankless yet hopefully still rewarding job, who is anyone else to judge that decision? In my opinion, that’s a noble choice, and a refusal to make room for the manifold manifestations of femininity seems downright vile. Yet, every now and then, I see men bashing women who voice the goal of becoming housewives. Not everyone believes that a work-life balance can be achieved, and the admirable Martha Stewart is one of them, as she recently expressed on Richer Lives.
All that said, as the old adage goes: Women often take nice guys for granted and may need time to learn to appreciate them. But then again, a tendency toward ingratitude and treachery is not gender-specific but deeply rooted in the human nature we must tirelessly struggle against in pursuit of virtue. As Doestoevsky penned, “In fact, I believe that the best definition of man is the ungrateful biped.” Ultimately, sure, women are just as capable of being as selfish as men, and being too demanding in relationships may be described as tacky and off-putting at best.
At the end of the day, the issue of (some) men’s diseased attitude toward dating is a symptom of our current slop culture, among other things. We should not only expect more of those we choose to have in our lives in general, but we also need to hold ourselves to higher standards while remaining forgiving. A final thought: The good news here is that people seem to suck more online than they do in real life, as good men and women tend to have less time for social media rants.
The post Men Are Telling Women Their Dating Standards Are Too High. But Are They Really? appeared first on VICE.
