I had to message the swim instructor four times to actually get my son scheduled for lessons.
Then, even though she was chronically late, sometimes canceled on short notice, and had to switch pools midway through the summer because her HOA told her she was not legally allowed to teach swimming in her neighborhood (true story) — we still kept going to those lessons. After all, I made a commitment; I was going to see it through.
When I quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom, I was working just as hard as I’d ever worked in the corporate world — but no one cared. I needed a new outlet for my identity as someone who got things done. So I began to channel my perseverance into my children’s childhoods. But the older they get, the more I started to wonder: Is this the right outlet for my ambition?
My old identity was hard to let go of
I worked in journalism for a decade before I had kids. I had an identity as a hard worker, and I was proud of it, even when it meant I was called on to do things like teach a man how to save a file as a PDF, what seemed like every single day for a year (another true story).
I gave my job my all, and I thought doing the same for my kids would make their childhoods meaningful — and bring me a similar satisfaction. But I often feel as though I’m just hurrying us along from one activity to the next or repeating the same phrases ad nauseam. I no longer see the tangible efforts of my job in print the next morning. Instead, it can take literal years for the work I’m putting into my kids to come to (visible) fruition. (And no one ever says thank you!)
I started to slow down
When my son started back at preschool this fall, my daughter and I found ourselves with three uninterrupted hours together every weekday morning.
During the first week, I treated our mornings like something to tackle: I signed us up for a nature class. I made a list of small house projects I could complete with her in tow. We ran the errands I’d needed to do over the summer but felt less complicated now that I only had to unbuckle one car seat.
One morning, I decided we should walk to our neighborhood garden, an enriching activity that I thought would take us precisely one half hour to complete. We would walk there — exercise! — check on our plants — education! — and walk home — accomplishment!
We were gone for an hour and a half. And I was as proud of myself as I was when I finally taught that old coworker how to save the Word doc as a PDF.
It’s hard for me to go at an 18-month-old’s glacial pace. I struggle to spend that much time doing something that doesn’t seem to fully benefit her, my son, or our home. Do you know how many towels I could fold in an hour and a half?
But when I turn off the running commentary in my brain that says we should be doing more, faster, better, I see her stop to feel the dirt between her fingers or watch her boot splash over and over in a puddle. And I see that the accomplishment is actually in slowing down enough to let her do those things without me rushing her on to the next task.
I’m rethinking my role
I’m trying to do more of this, to get less done, which may actually be achieving more.
We are still going to the nature class, where I am the obnoxious mom repeating my daughter’s toddler babble back to her with the correct animal name. And I am still hustling us out the door for library storytime every week, where I am the obnoxious mom checking out every Arthur book on the shelf.
I am also reminding myself that the true way to be the hardest worker in this stage of parenthood is to go at her pace. To grit my teeth and let her put on her own shoes and wipe up her own spilled milk.
And I’m channeling my ambition into researching kindergarten for my son, who will start elementary school next fall. Do you think it’s too soon to sign up for the PTA?
Read the original article on Business Insider
The post I quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom. I had to learn that not everything is a task to tackle. appeared first on Business Insider.
