Come November, once Halloween passes and the holidays approach, many singles start taking their dating lives more seriously. With the weather cooling and cuffing season in full swing, some attempt to tie down their current situationships or talking stages, while others go out on the prowl for a more serious connection. Experts call this pattern of behavior the “November Theory.”
With November just around the corner, you might want to familiarize yourself with the concept, so you’re ready for whatever romantic twists this month throws at you.
What Is the November Theory in Dating?
The November Theory essentially positions November as a month when romantic relationships are either dropped or deepened. Many believe Thanksgiving (and the holiday season in general) adds pressure that urges most couples to reflect. In other words, you either choose to strengthen your commitment or jump ship.
“The November Theory in dating has been a relationship ‘test’ of sorts that people have been talking about for years,” says Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking. “The idea is that November kicks off the holiday season, and the holiday season makes or breaks a couple. You are asking yourself questions like, ‘Should I bring this person home to meet the family? Did my family like them? Do I want to start the new year with this person?’”
Oftentimes, romance and relationships are at the forefront of our minds during November. Everything feels more romantic when the temperature cools and the holidays are looming. Even the most jaded of lovers crave cuddles on the couch with steaming mugs of hot chocolate and walks downtown in fresh snow, admiring the holiday lights.
“This is the height of cuffing season,” says Trombetti. “People want to cozy up by the fire, have cute holiday dates with someone, etc., which leads people to think more about their love life.”
And, of course, you might have Mom or Grandma in your ear, asking whether you’ll be showing up alone—yet again—to Thanksgiving dinner. It’s merely impossible to avoid talk of romance and dating during “the most wonderful time of the year,” which arguably starts during November.
“People like having someone to bring home for the holidays,” Trombetti says. “That way you do not get any nosy questions from your aunt on who you are seeing.”
How to Work With the November Theory
The November Theory is a great time to pause and reflect on your romantic life: Are you happy in your current connection? Would you feel good about bringing them home to your family? Or are you realizing you’re not as interested as you were during summertime or spooky season, now that the stakes are higher?
And if you’re single: Are you seeking companionship? Do you want a partner to spend the long, cold winter months with?
“I don’t want anyone to overthink their relationship, but I do think the holidays and the year coming to a close is a good time to assess where you are and where you want things to go,” says Trombetti. “Use this time to your advantage to really think through what you want in the next year. If it is NOT your current partner, then it is time to let them go so they can start moving on (as well as you).”
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