An event for Pittsburgh Steelers fans in Paris last week had to be canceled because of security concerns following violent street protests, but the Sunday NFL matchup between the Steelers and New Orleans Saints at Stade de France went ahead. The Steelers beat the Saints, 16-10. Commissioner Roger Goodell said he had “zero doubt” the NFL would return to Paris after the league’s first-ever game in the French capital.
About one year from now, then, we could be watching …
“Greetings, NFL fans, and welcome to the second annual NFL game in Paris, a showdown between the Miami Dolphins and Denver Broncos at Stade de France in Saint-Denis, within the Greater Paris Militarized Zone, or the ‘Zone militarisée du Grand Paris,’ as the locals say.”
“Yup, Robbie, French authorities have declared this whole region locked up tighter than receivers facing Broncos cornerback Patrick Surtain II.”
“Bill, you probably heard earlier in the week that the Dolphins’ arrival from the Charles de Gaulle Airport was delayed because stone-throwing rioters attacked trains linking the airport and Paris. That was a throwback the 2005 riots!”
“Yes, French rioters enter today with a proud tradition — 10 of the past 21 years, they’ve qualified for the World Riot Playoffs, and we’re talking hall of famers like the 2005 Banlieues and 2018 Yellow Vests. So the Champs-Élysées Raiders have their work cut out for them.”
“Reminds me that Miami’s defensive line has been looking like a Louis Vuitton security guard: can’t stop anybody from getting through.”
“What challenges do you see for Miami defensive coordinator Sean Duggan?”
“Well, I see three problems. Their line can’t get pressure, injuries have forced them to use inexperienced players at cornerback, and Jean-Luc Mélenchon, leader of the France Unbowed party, has declared the end of the French Republic.”
“Yes, Mélenchon certainly is a wild card. We haven’t seen a disruptive force like that since Lawrence Taylor. How do you counter it?”
“Well, you use more zone coverage, blitz more and President Marine Le Pen must galvanize the people with a vision of a distinct French identity, but with room for immigrants and realistic government spending that accounts for the country’s spiraling debt.”
“That’s right, the French budget deficit continues to be more than 5 percent of gross domestic product, second-worst in the world. That’s even worse than the Baltimore Ravens’ salary cap problems.”
“It’s a tall order for Le Pen.”
“Now let’s turn to Broncos quarterback Bo Nix. There was some concern about his mobility earlier in the season, but look at him down there for the pregame warmup. He’s sprinting with no problem at all.”
“Wait, is that somebody chasing him?”
“And carrying a sign … something about the ‘haute bourgeoisie.’”
“Some people just can’t get over that four-year guaranteed $18 million rookie contract with a $10 million signing bonus.”
“Well, he’s scrambling and escaping the rush pretty well so far. Good pocket presence. As our old friend Marv Albert would say, he’s on fire!”
“Much like the rest of Paris these days. Let’s bring in Curtis — how ’bout those riots?”
“Well, Commissioner Goodell can’t be happy. The perception of modern France in the United States is largely shaped by Americans who travel there, visiting the best and nicest neighborhoods. The Louvre and all that. The impressions in America from these visits obscure the deep-rooted social, economic, cultural and political divisions that are becoming a serious threat to the stability of the country and government’s ability to function. The French state avoided confronting the problem for the better part of a generation, and now that threat has metastasized into a nihilist destructive force harnessing itself to the causes of left-wing economics and Islamism. When you’re burning down the historic town hall in Limoges, you’re not interested in educational or economic reform, you just want to watch the world burn.”
“Looks like the quarterbacks aren’t the only ones who might get sacked here in Paris! We’ll be right back after this message from DraftKings, an official NFL sports betting partner, where the only protests are if your team didn’t beat the spread.”
The post When the NFL returns to Paris. Just imagine. appeared first on Washington Post.
