Being single past 30 comes with a standard set of questions from aunts and coworkers, usually some version of “Are you seeing anyone?” No one ever asks if you’re actually happy.
Researchers at the University of Toronto did. Lead author Elaine Hoan and her team examined 11 years of data on 2,930 never-married Germans for a study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Participants entered the study around ages 18, 26, or 36 and had to report being single at every annual survey to qualify.
Roughly 90% maintained relatively high life satisfaction throughout the study. “Singles’ overall satisfaction with their lives remained remarkably robust,” Hoan told PsyPost. Earlier research using the same data had suggested long-term singles became less satisfied as they aged, partly because it lumped everyone into one average.
Researchers Found That Long-Term Singles Are Happier Than You Might Think
Of course, being happy with your life doesn’t mean you’re thrilled about your dating prospects. About two-thirds of the youngest participants enjoyed being single, while older participants were less enthusiastic. Sexual satisfaction varied, as well. People with higher education levels were more likely to fall into the least sexually satisfied groups. Researchers suggested that demanding academic pursuits could leave less time for sex. So, there’s another thing that isn’t mentioned when you sign up for grad school.
Most participants also expressed moderate to high interest in finding a partner. They could enjoy their lives and still want someone to share them with. The happiest singles generally scored lower in neuroticism and higher in extraversion.
The numbers aren’t much different in the U.S. A 2023 report found that 57% of single adults had no interest in dating or finding a relationship. Single men were more likely to be looking than single women. And when Pew asked singles who weren’t dating why, 72% said they enjoyed being single. That’s a lot of people who are perfectly happy spending their weekends however they damn well please.
Still, people have a hard time believing someone could be happy without a partner. Psychologist Bella DePaulo, author of Single at Heart, has studied this skepticism by asking participants to judge otherwise identical descriptions of single and married people. Even when the single person described a happy life, readers were less inclined to believe it. “If you are already happy, don’t expect marriage to make you even happier,” she wrote in Singled Out, as reported by The Christian Science Monitor.
At the next holiday dinner, “I’m good, thanks” should cover it. Assuming anyone believes you.
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