My husband and I have very different ideas about financial responsibility.
When we’re feeling stressed about money, my instinct is to run the numbers and account for every financial what-if. He’s a big-picture dreamer who sees what something could become and is more willing to say, “We’ll figure it out.”
His attitude has paid off before. He had the vision for our first home, which we bought for under $100,000 and recently sold for a decent profit after 13 years of renovations.
I know some of the best things we’ve done together wouldn’t have happened without my husband’s willingness to take a chance, but our differences have still caused some friction over the years.
Now that we’re building a new home together, we’re trying to balance my need to plan for the unknown with his belief that we’ll find a way forward.
After 13 years, we took a risk and sold our home
For 13 years, we’d lived in the same place. My husband had moved frequently as a child, and he wanted his two daughters to have a consistent place to call home.
Leaving this house behind was bittersweet, but my oldest stepdaughter had just bought her own house, and my younger one was heading off to college. We were ready for what came next.
We could have bought an existing house needing renovations. Instead, we found land in southern Maine that felt worth taking a risk on.
We’ve always loved the area. My family has an annual reunion there, where we spend a week at the beach. Our new property will hopefully give us that lifestyle without the summer crowds: It’s more than 2 ½ acres with hiking trails next door, a nearby kayak and paddleboard launch, and the ocean just a short drive away.
We decided to go for it, and by the end of August, our old house was nearly empty. My younger stepdaughter left for college on a Wednesday, we moved the rest of our things to a rental on a Thursday, and officially sold the house that Friday.
Every estimate comes with an ‘unless’
In September, we began building our 1,500-square-foot house.
We’re now paying $3,000 a month for a rental home — with a construction loan on top of that — and keeping track of a lot of numbers, from lumber and labor to excavation, plumbing, electrical, permits, and finishes.
My husband is doing most of the construction himself, which is what makes this project possible. If we had to pay for all of the labor, we probably couldn’t afford to build right now.
However, that’s not to say this hasn’t been a very stressful time. We think we’ve accounted for everything, but every estimate has an asterisk: Unless lumber prices go up. Unless a contractor’s price changes.
Unless we hit ledge — that is, solid bedrock beneath the soil that can be expensive to excavate. We might have to rethink the foundation or adjust the entire plan once we see what’s underground.
I find that uncomfortable, but my husband doesn’t.
We’re leaving room to adjust
My husband can picture what this property could become over time, and has big dreams for it.
He wanted a garage, a small cottage where our family could stay when they visit, a little more space, and nicer finishes in some areas. I kept bringing us back to what we could afford right now, and how much we wanted to keep in savings rather than put everything into the house.
After a lot of discussion, we decided to start small. We’re building for the life we have today, while — at his request — leaving room for the one we might want tomorrow. The garage and cottage can wait. For now, we’re focusing on getting the house right without stretching our budget too far.
That means staying flexible. For instance, my husband wants a finished basement, and I agreed, knowing this would give us the option to add a third bedroom down the road.
Though the cost difference between a basement and an unfinished crawl space isn’t huge upfront, hitting ledge could put us thousands — or even tens of thousands — over budget.
We’re willing to give the basement a shot, but if excavation costs start climbing, we may have to scale back to a crawl space and save the extra bedroom for another day.
We have a plan, but we know it might change once we get further into the build. I’ll keep making the spreadsheets and asking for the numbers. He’ll keep looking at the big picture and reminding me why we decided to do this.
This project, and my husband, have taught me that financial responsibility isn’t necessarily about eliminating every risk, but knowing which risks are worth taking and staying open to changing course.
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