If you’re a movie buff, then you’ve seen a lot of hype surrounding Wicker, starring the likes of Olivia Colman, Alexander Skarsgård, Elizabeth Debicki, Peter Dinklage, (one of my all-time favorite actors) Richard E. Grant, and other exceptional talents. The team, including creators Eleanor Wilson and Alex Huston Fischer, has worked hard to promote the film. In doing so, Mr. Skarsgård has made headlines for his outrageous outfits (one of which featured a shirt reading, “Lick my worm”…), while his father, the great Mr. Stellan Skarsgård, has shown his support, posing for photos at a screening with his beloved eldest. Wicker will officially release in the United States on October 23, with a nationwide expansion following on October 30.
However, this charming, comedic romantic fantasy, based on Ursula Wills-Jones’ short story “The Wicker Husband,” has already gained attention for a reason less cute than its merits and the rock-star talent involved: Impressionable women are apparently at risk of sticking wicker objects where they don’t belong. As the New York Post dutifully reported, since Wicker’s trailer premiered, women have been publicly sharing rather unwholesome dreams about the sexually satisfying husband of wicker, woven specially for Ms. Colman’s fisherwoman of a character and played by the aforementioned Mr. Skarsgård.
This has translated into joke videos and other types of posts on social media involving wicker fetishes, which range in nature from seemingly innocent and cuddly enough… to downright obscene. The impact made by Wicker is of such a grand scale that IKEA even joined in on the fun, posting in regard to their furniture, “We’ve got plenty of husband material. Be honest…how many times did you watch the trailer?”
Thus, OB-GYN Amy Novatt has issued an urgent warning about the sensitive female space below the belt. “What it was not designed for is receiving trees, shrubs, or other plants,” the Post quoted Dr. Novatt. It shouldn’t take a doctor, however, to realize that wicker should not be inserted into the female (or any) body and can, of course, lead to tears and infection. Bedroom stunts gone wrong lead to a shocking number of hospitalizations each year, though the sense of embarrassment associated with sexual injuries often wrongly deters people from seeking treatment right away, therefore sometimes worsening matters.
Wicker Is NOT ‘Husband Material’: OB-GYN Issues Warning Following Disturbing ‘Wicker’ Craze
Of course, not all women understand the (sex) appeal of wicker objects. Hearing this very story provoked uncontrollable laughter from Johnette Cruz of 93.1 WIBC-FM. Granted, women cannot be totally blamed for getting the oddest ideas after watching Skarsgård — he truly seems like such a doll, as demonstrated by the fact that he recently gifted outstanding television host Graham Norton the precious pair of nipples from his wicker suit.
If I may offer a bit of a ballsy take, then I’ll say that if you are struggling with masturbation problems and sexual desires that might be harmful if acted upon, then you might just want to consider overcoming them. While Saint Benedict of Nursia and Saint Francis of Assisi, for example, threw themselves into thorns to overcome lust (which I mention since we are plant-themed today), I suggest a gentler approach. You can start with a good trip to confession and/or a visit to a mental health professional. Masturbation can become an addiction with a broad spectrum of negative physical and psychological consequences.
Addiction Center pens, “Some people may use masturbation as a way to self-medicate or cope with past trauma or negative lifestyle factors. However, doing so will only increase the physical and psychological consequences. […] The cycle can be vicious and, without masturbation addiction treatment, tough to overcome.”
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