My friend lives in a very red state but is a lifelong Democrat. During this year’s primary, he and some like-minded friends were considering registering as Republicans in the hope of helping a more moderate Republican win the primary. Others said this would be unethical. I don’t see why. Elections are meant to give voters some say in who governs them. If the Democratic candidate has no realistic chance of winning, what is wrong with choosing a party affiliation that at least gives my friend some meaningful choice among the likely officeholders? Would the answer be different in a purple state, if he and other Democrats registered as Republicans to support the primary candidate they thought would be easiest to defeat in the general election?— Name Withheld
From the Ethicist:
Your vote is meant to express a preference, though that preference can be informed by a sense of what outcomes are possible. What your friend had in mind was to vote for the Republican who, among the plausible contenders, he would most want in office. There are Democrats he would prefer, but they’re nonstarters where he lives; given the available choices, he would have been voting for the outcome he prefers. Nor are primaries always an internal party vote; in some states, unaffiliated voters, or even voters registered with another party, can help choose a party’s nominee.
Cross-party voting aside, primary voters in a purple state might support someone they thought would be a stronger general-election candidate for their party, even if, all things being equal, they would have preferred another of their party’s candidates. That’s strategic voting, of a familiar kind: choosing someone you’re reasonably content with partly because that candidate has a better prospect of defeating someone you strongly oppose. Politics remains the art of the possible.
By contrast, if your friend voted in a primary for someone he regarded as a weak candidate in order to help another party, he’d be engaging in sabotage. In backing someone he does not want to see in office, he’d be misusing a procedure meant to give voters a say in choosing a party’s nominee.
It’s also a risky maneuver: seemingly unelectable candidates sometimes get elected. In 1980, when Ronald Reagan clinched the Republican presidential nomination, some staff members in the Jimmy Carter White House celebrated. Reagan seemed so far outside the political mainstream that, they figured, he would be easy to beat. Those who game the system have only themselves to blame if their designated loser ends up in office.
Readers Respond
The previous question was from a reader who was concerned about her sister’s foster child. She wrote:
Six years ago, one of my sisters and her husband became foster parents to a newborn who was removed from his biological mother’s care because of her severe drug addiction and medical incapacity. … The child has serious behavioral problems. Since about age 3, he has regularly punched, kicked and bitten my sister, his primary caregiver. … I have seen bruises and bite marks on her body and watched him strike her repeatedly in the face and head with closed fists. … As he has grown older and stronger, the violence has escalated. He was receiving individual behavioral support from an aide who accompanied him at school. Two weeks ago, however, my sister dismissed the aide after the aide intervened while the child was attacking her. Over the years, she has dismissed other professionals who recommended behavioral interventions or expressed concern. … I worry that the child is not receiving the care he needs and that my sister is in increasing danger as he gets bigger. I also worry that, because she and her husband hope to adopt him, they may be reluctant to disclose the full extent of his behavior to state agencies and care providers. … Do I have an obligation to report what I have witnessed, even if doing so is likely to destroy our relationship and further isolate my sister? … What am I obligated to do when I witness an attack? — Name Withheld
In his response, the Ethicist noted:
Given what you’ve witnessed, you owe it to both your sister and the child to make sure that the foster agency understands what’s going on. The choice isn’t just between respecting your sister’s wishes, on the one hand, and protecting your sister, on the other. You also need to consider what’s best for a child who isn’t receiving the developmental support he needs. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry specifically cautions adults against minimizing violent behavior in children and, when the violence is concerning, recommends comprehensive professional evaluation. Foster care aims to place a child with a family capable of providing the needed care. This plainly hasn’t happened here. … Your sister and brother-in-law are caring for a child for whom the state still has substantial responsibility, and the foster agency can’t do its job if it is denied critical information about the placement. As for your second question, I don’t think you’re required to sit back and watch someone hit your sister. … This child is in a bad situation, and as he gets larger and stronger, the likely consequences for him will become much harsher. Effective intervention now protects him too.
(Reread the full question and answer here.)
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I have worked with a number of children who were born addicted, and because of the circumstances of their development, they have different support needs. The sister may be doing what she believes is best, but the situations the author described are only going to escalate if this child does not get consistent, professional intervention. If the sister and her husband are unwilling to even entertain this idea, then they are not the best placement for this child, no matter how much they want to adopt him. And they owe him the best opportunity to grow and thrive. Without parents who are open to finding resources and learning how to structure his world so that it’s safe and supportive, the child is very likely to struggle in school and in society. How will this violent behavior manifest when he is 18 and subject to adult laws? The choice to hide the true situation is, quite frankly, selfish and dangerous. — Andrea
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If the letter writer reports this situation to Child Protective Services anonymously, her sister will not know for certain who made the report since other people have also witnessed this behavior. At least several people were fired by your sister because they attempted to intervene. It’s troubling that these people did not report these incidents. — Rochelle
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I am a foster and adoptive mom, raising two children with significant prenatal substance exposures. One of my children had similar behaviors to those described in the question. What I felt was missing from the answer was an acknowledgment that this child likely has brain damage from in utero substance exposures and other stressors. My guess is that the sister’s training focused on compassion toward this trauma and may have led to her having a harder time setting boundaries — many foster care trainings teach you to find ways around saying no, with good reason. While I don’t disagree with making sure the agency is aware of what is going on, I hesitate to say this isn’t a good placement for the child. All that being said, for our family a formal diagnosis of Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorder, a subtype of fetal alcohol spectrum disorders (F.A.S.D.s), has made a world of difference. There are amazing resources out there teaching an entirely new way of viewing the child, their brain and ways of parenting that actually help to minimize and prevent behaviors. My child, who threw chairs at teachers in preschool, is now academically on target and loved by teachers and peers alike. Even if your sister isn’t ready, I recommend checking out resources from F.A.S.D. United and the C.D.C. to help gain a bigger picture of your nephew’s behavior. — Emily
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My cousin adopted an infant boy who became more and more violent every year. As a teacher, she sought help early and did not give up. He graduated from high school and college, and is married with children. Thirty years later, that troubled boy has turned into a productive member of society. — Bonnie
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My career was in child protection. Children who, while in the womb, were exposed to drugs and alcohol often exhibit violent behavior starting very early. Prenatal exposure to alcohol shows the worst effects. Strategies and specialized treatment have been developed to work with these children, and children can show improvement. Some kids show miraculous improvement. The older the child is when these treatments are started, the harder it will be to change the behavior. The entire family will need to be very involved in the treatment and will need to learn new techniques to deal with the behavior. Yes, tell the agency. They need to know so they can develop a plan. The longer the family waits, the less effective it will be. It should have started when he was a toddler. — Ann
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