If you have a phone, you’ve done it. A friend asks if you’re still on for the weekend, the text sits unanswered for three days, and then you fire back, “Sorry, just seen this!” as though you’ve been off the grid at a meditation retreat. Your friend isn’t stupid and knows you were posting stories the whole time.
British etiquette expert William Hanson has had enough of this particular excuse. On his podcast Help I Sexted My Boss, he called the phrase a pet peeve. “You don’t need to pretend you’ve only just seen it. I think that makes it worse,” he said.
And he’s got a point. Most of us have ignored a message because we were busy or didn’t feel like answering. Three days later, admitting that you saw it while doing absolutely nothing and chose to deal with it later feels a little rude. So we pretend the message somehow slipped past us.
As always, the comments were divided. One Instagram user said the phrase basically translates to “Sorry, I saw this but ignored it.” A TikTok commenter said Hanson’s advice “feels like a personal attack,” while another argued that disappearing for days and then responding without an apology is just straight-up rude.
‘Sorry, Just Seen This!’ Might Make Your Late Reply Worse, an Etiquette Expert Says
Anxiety around replying has persisted for years. A 2018 Google study found that some people considered a response arriving after 20 minutes rude. Twenty minutes! That’s barely enough time to shower and put on pants.
Licensed clinical social worker Kelley Kitley told Refinery29 that people judge other people’s response times based on their own habits. “We figure that since we are someone who would text back immediately, that everyone else should, too,” she said.
Hanson suggests a simple “sorry for the delay in replying” before answering. Rupert Wesson of Debrett’s Etiquette Training recommends “I am so sorry to be getting back to you so slowly.” A little formal for telling your friend you can’t make brunch, but alright.
Some people really do forget, too. One commenter with ADHD explained that messages can get lost when they’re distracted. And organizational psychologist Adam Grant has argued that apologizing for every delayed response contributes to the ridiculous expectation that we’re all supposed to be available at all hours.
Which brings us back to your friend asking about the weekend. After three days, they’re probably less interested in your excuse than in knowing if they should make other plans.
A quick apology is fine. An elaborate story about how you somehow missed their message while posting happy hour pictures is probably unnecessary.
The post This Common Texting Excuse Isn’t Fooling Your Friends. Say This Instead. appeared first on VICE.
