An errant verbal bombshell from the host Shane Gillis might end up being the most memorable moment from this weekend’s broadcast of “Saturday Night Live.” But before we get to that, let’s talk about Colin Jost’s bringing some scripted, safe-for-broadcast shock and awe in his recurring role as Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth.
“S.N.L.” (which also featured the musical guest Rosalía) kicked off with a sketch that lampooned Hegseth’s visit to the aircraft carrier U.S.S. Lincoln, whose crew returned to San Diego earlier this week after a 322-day deployment in support of the Iran war.
Wearing a bandoleer filled with bottles of Fireball Cinnamon Whisky (“The only alcohol designed to taste better on the way back up,” he explained), Jost asked, “How are you sailors doing tonight?”
A crew member played by Mikey Day answered, “We’re bad.”
“OK, I heard ‘awesome,’” Jost said. He congratulated the crew on their return to “sunny San Diego, which the president just asked Iran to blow up.” Jost added that he was proud that “only eight of you attempted suicide — two of you since I started talking.”
Jost said he celebrated them for executing more than 3,000 combat missions with “zero casualties, zero flight mishaps and zero working toilets.”
He then brought up Kam Patterson as a brave seaman who “instead of complaining, simply held it like a man for 300 days.”
Patterson, who wore a large, swollen costume that made him look like Violet Beauregarde of Willy Wonka, asked, “Is there a bathroom I could use now?”
Jost answered, “There’s probably a Starbucks like three blocks from here.”
He went on to brief the sailors on plans to “execute a guy in a wheelchair on live TV,” as well as displaying the new logo for his department that was shown behind him.
Andrew Dismukes, playing a crew member, asked, “Is that a Nazi eagle?”
Jost answered, “It’s an American eagle with a Nazi vibe.”
He then introduced Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who was played by James Austin Johnson). Declaring America to be “healthier than ever,” Johnson said that he was changing the name of “cold and flu season” to “cold and flu and listeria and measles and trench brain season.”
He added that while 200,000 pounds of pork, beef and goat meat may have been recalled, “catfish, pony and cricket are viable proteins for any American family.”
Opening monologue of the week
A stand-up monologue from Gillis, who was hosting “S.N.L.” for the third time, tends to be a polarizing event. Variety said it flat-out in a headline, “Shane Gillis Bombs ‘S.N.L.’ Monologue (Again).”
That said, some of the topics that Gillis covered in his set included:
His difficulty losing weight and hitting what he called “fat rock bottom” while he was appearing in a frequently shown Bud Light TV commercial: “I was like, ‘Oh, no, I look like a lesbian. I got to change.’”
Getting made fun of by the comedians and podcasters Joe Rogan and Theo Von while he was sitting naked in a sauna: “Joe just goes, ‘Hey’; Theo said, ‘You look like a gas station egg.” After stewing over this remark for several minutes, Gillis said, “I saw my own reflection and I looked exactly like a gas station egg.”
His observation that he has “balded directly into an Adolf Hitler haircut” but not wanting to sweep his hair behind his ears because “that’s gay”: “That’s it, you’re either gay or you’re Hitler. And isn’t that where we’re at as a country?”
Fleeting Obscenity of the Week
Gillis made a stronger case for himself in, say, a sketch about the invention of sneakers and a fake commercial for a particularly disreputable heating and air conditioning company. But the segment you surely want to hear about is this one, which began as a retelling of Dr. Seuss’s children’s classic “Green Eggs and Ham.”
After the familiar exchange between Sam-I-Am (Dismukes) and the grumpy man (Day) who won’t eat his offerings, Gillis entered, playing the son of Day’s character. “Bro, it’s a nonstarter,” Gillis said to Dismukes. “He told me — he said he doesn’t — ” and here Gillis uttered a decidedly un-Seussian word, then cringed in reaction and laughed at himself, adding, “Jeez, like ‘em,” before continuing with the sketch.
Later in the segment, Day ejected Gillis from his household saying, “You’re a loser and you said a bad word.”
“Yes, I did,” Gillis replied. At the end of the broadcast, as he said good night to the audience, Gillis seemed to refer to this incident, saying, “Sorry about earlier.”
He now joins a roster of past “S.N.L.” performers, including Paul Shaffer, Charles Rocket and Jenny Slate, who have used foul language on the show. According to the Federal Communications Commission’s own guidelines, “Broadcasting obscene content is prohibited by law at all times of the day. Indecent and profane content are prohibited on broadcast TV and radio between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m., when there is a reasonable risk that children may be in the audience.”
Weekend Update jokes of the week
Over at the Weekend Update desk, the anchors Jost and Michael Che riffed on President Trump’s latest unsuccessful efforts to win the Nobel Peace Prize.
Jost began:
Unfortunately we have to start tonight with a tragic developing story involving President Trump. Uh, no, not that. President Trump has sadly not won the Nobel Peace Prize. I know, I know. But don’t worry, I think he’s taking it all in stride. [The screen showed video of President Trump at a rally saying, “The Nobel Prize was given out today to a liberal person who works at the United Nations who nobody has ever heard of.”] He’s genuinely angry that he didn’t win the peace prize. Trump kidnapped Venezuela’s president, then he did so much war that we’re running out of missiles, and he still thought, this is my year. It’s truly like if I thought I might win an Oscar for “Tom & Jerry.”
Weekend Update guests of the week
A quick tip of the bald cap to Johnson’s appearance playing the business man and “Shark Tank” panelist Kevin O’Leary (a.k.a. Mr. Wonderful.), who was explaining his plans to build an A.I. data center in Utah. “Colin, you have to understand, I don’t live there,” Johnson explained.
“Right,” Jost replied, “but, like, other people do live there.” “You’re missing the point,” Johnson said. “That’s not real to me.”
Hey, at least he didn’t use any obscene words.
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