This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Tori Dunlap, founder of Her First $100K and author of “Financial Feminist.” It has been edited for length and clarity.
My parents were very good at teaching me about money, not just by what they said, but by what they did. They were middle-class — by no means rich — but they made very smart financial decisions and equipped me with a lot of financial skills.
By college, I was the friend whom other friends came to ask about money. I set myself a very public goal of saving my first $100,000 when I was 25 — which I achieved. By 27, I was a millionaire, and now, at 32, I’m a multimillionaire.
Yet I don’t look or act the way many believe a multimillionaire should. Here’s what I refuse to spend on — and what’s become even more important to me as I build wealth.
I don’t spend on signifiers of wealth
I’m often told online that I don’t look like a multimillionaire should. My hair, for example. If I’m going to be on television, I’ll get it blown out. But when I’m creating content for my community, it’s often pulled back.
I get my hair done about every three months, which is more than most people. Yet I’m not going to spend the money — or, more importantly to me these days, the time — to have it done constantly. It’s just not a priority for me when I have a company to run.
I drive a 12-year-old Toyota
I still drive the same Toyota RAV4 that I went into debt to purchase when I was 22. It’s a cute car, it’s dependable, and it does everything I need it to.
Maybe I’ll change my mind and get a flashier car in the future. It’s fine for people to change their minds about what’s important to them. But I’m not going to buy a luxury car just to show my wealth.
I rented until last year
Until last year, I rented an apartment even though I was a multimillionaire. I could afford to buy, but I didn’t have the time to search for a house.
Then, my landlord decided to sell. That happened to me twice in a row, and made me realize I was willing to invest the time to find a house I love. As I’ve built wealth, time has become the currency that matters most to me.
I don’t think there are silly purchases — just ones we don’t think about
I’ll never be the financial expert telling you that spending on lattes is stupid. I’m not saying that spending on hair, cars, or homes is silly either.
What’s stupid, to me, is spending on things that don’t matter to you. If you’re buying a certain bag, vehicle, or home just to keep up with the Joneses and look wealthy, you’re not being intentional.
In my book, “Financial Feminist,” I say that we don’t need to stop spending money. But we do need to stop spending on things that we don’t care about.
I indulge, but not always publicly
I spend pretty unabashedly on travel. To me, it’s one of the most important things.
I’m also proud of the house I bought last year. It’s newly renovated and has a beautiful view. Yet, I don’t share it online because my privacy is more important to me than showcasing my home. I’ve been very intentional about keeping some things private, including my partner and house.
My markers of success aren’t material
The vision we’ve been sold of financial success is sexy: it’s designed bags, sleek blowouts, and marble columns. I’m out here showing a different version of success.
For me, success means having enough financial security that I never have to be in a situation that doesn’t respect me. I want to be able to donate to causes I believe in, and always pick up the check for friends and family without worrying about it.
Women in my community have been able to leave abusive relationships or toxic workplaces because of their financial independence. They can improve their communities and families. For them — and me — those markers of success matter so, so much more than any material markers of wealth.
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