At the age of 39, I already had two failed marriages under my belt and could never have expected to enter another engagement. Life held its own plan for me, bringing the man I was searching for all along when I least expected it.
Roger had never married and never expected to be. We began our relationship straight out of my failing second marriage, and we were both at a loss about what our end goal would be — until we fell in love hard and never looked back.
My family had helped financially with the previous weddings
Preparing for my previous weddings was much simpler. Both families chipped in financially, which seems to be customary. Roger’s and my wedding would be much more difficult to afford. Roger’s father died 13 years ago, and his mother has Alzheimer’s disease. We knew that we would need to find our own way to make our wedding dreams come true.
The most reasonable solution was to opt for a lengthy engagement, giving us over two years’ time to plan and budget for our big day. Roger is a respiratory care specialist and is currently in massage therapy school. I am a freelance writer and a pet caretaker. We are raising Roger’s daughter and caring for our dog and two cats. In today’s economy, we are living paycheck to paycheck.
We had to get creative
Instead of an engagement party, we opted for a Stock the Bar Party. In lieu of gifts, attendees will bring bottles of spirits to be served at our wedding reception. Each bottle will earn them a raffle ticket toward a chance to win a free massage. This option will allow us some relief on alcohol costs and will also give Roger more practice with his massage skills.
The first item that we secured was the venue. We were able to find a marina that was cost-effective, flexible, and offered both ceremony and reception space. The tables and chairs are included in the cost, as well as a kitchen area for the reception. The venue provides security to assist with parking, so there will be no need for parking attendants. When we called to put down our deposit, we were pleasantly surprised to receive a 10% discount for booking so early.
We created a free wedding website to help us stay organized. Here are the details of our events, guest list, and registry. We opted out of sending Save-the-Dates and are only sending invitations. I use social media to find ideas for everything from décor to planning, and I have joined wedding budget groups online for cost-effective advice.
Roger and I have a large group of friends, and we are enlisting them to help however they can. We knew a local bar owner who headed “adult bingo” on Thursday nights, and we knew he would be the perfect mix of crude humor and soft heart to officiate our wedding. He said it was on his bucket list to marry a couple and that he was honored to do us the favor.
We have a friend who is glad to DJ for us for a low cost, and a friend-of-a-friend who offered his photography in exchange for a wedding invite. One of Roger’s classmates will be our MC, ensuring the day runs smoothly and directing guests as needed. We have had plenty of offers from others to help with planning, decorating, and catering.
Ideally, Roger and I would have had a lighter financial burden as we plan for our coming wedding. In a perfect world, we would have the help of each of our families. Instead, we find ourselves navigating the process alone. At our age, we understand the value of what truly matters.
Life may not have dealt me the hand that I expected, but Roger was always in my cards.
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