Welcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Way Ahead of You
On Monday, late night hosts poked fun of President Xi Jinping’s three-day visit to the White House, where he spent an extended amount of time with President Trump.
“Now, as with any monumental meeting of superpowers with profound repercussions for global safety and stability, it began with (pause) house tour,” Jon Stewart said on “The Daily Show.” And while there were many topics the world leaders could have discussed, Stewart said that “Trump spent most of Xi’s White House visit just pointing at [expletive], while Xi did his best effort to pretend to be impressed.”
Trump was particularly proud of his new helipad, telling reporters that Xi “loves good granite.”
“Does he? Does he love good granite? Is that his ‘I love good granite’ face? Because it looks like his ‘I’d rather be standing in front of a tank in a square’ face.” — JON STEWART
“Like, President Trump, I’m sure you’re proud of your new circular granite helicopter parking spot; but just so you know, this is Shenzhen, China. They’ve got a fully autonomous magnetic levitation train. Pretty sure he’s not blown away by ‘carved rock in shape of circle.’” — JON STEWART
“By the way, you know, China did used to work in rock about 3,000 years ago. So, again, I’m pretty sure Xi Jinping is not like, ‘This used to be grass, and now it’s rock? We have so much to learn from your people.’” — JON STEWART
“Does he know China builds, like, entire cities in a week, and he’s showing him the new driveway? This is like showing Gordon Ramsay how to reheat pizza, you know?” — BILL MAHER
“Stop pretending that everyone else is interested in the same dumb [expletive] you’re interested in. First of all, outside of you, no one has a great interest in granite.” — SETH MEYERS
The Punchiest Punchlines (Endless War Edition)
“Meanwhile, after rejecting their latest cease-fire proposal, Trump said he expects the U.S. to hold more talks with Iran this week. When asked exactly how much he’ll be talking to Iran, Trump said, ‘Somewhere between how much I talk to Melania and my assistant, Natalie.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“I’m not sure we’re close to reopening the Strait of Hormuz. I mean, it’s been four months and Trump still can’t reopen the reflecting pool.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
An overzealous Boston Red Sox fan (Matt Damon) interrupted Jimmy Kimmel’s monologue on Monday, the first night in a week of “Jimmy Kimmel Live” shows being taped in Brooklyn.
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Rachel Maddow will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”
Also, Check This Out
Phoebe Bridgers banned phones from her tour, forcing — or allowing — fans to be fully present in the moment.
The post Late Night Doesn’t Buy That Xi Was Impressed by Trump’s Helipad appeared first on New York Times.
