Sliding into someone’s DMs is a bold move. You’re scrolling the feed, maybe you’re stalking a profile a little, and you have a direct line to their attention. Why not shoot your shot, right?
The tricky part is that a DM skips the usual signs that somebody might actually want to hear from you. There’s no match confirming your attraction or interest. You’re just appearing in their inbox and hoping you don’t come off weird.
Tons of people meet online now, and not always on dating apps. Pew Research Center has found that social platforms are part of that too. Instagram might not have been designed for dating, but people have been using it that way for years.
Here’s how to avoid making things awkward.
1. Do Your Prep Work
If a stranger sends you a DM, what’s the first thing you do? You look at their profile.
They’re probably going to do the same thing to you, so it helps if there’s something there. A nearly empty account, an ancient profile photo, or five posts from 2021 doesn’t give them much to go on. You don’t need to turn your Instagram into a curated lifestyle page. It should just look like an actual person uses it.
That’s important because they’re not only deciding whether they like the message. They’re also deciding whether they want to talk to whoever sent it.
2. Warm Up Before You Slide In
Going from complete stranger to “hey” can feel abrupt and it’s also an eye-roll opener. If they’ve already seen your name once or twice, the DM has a little context around it.
You don’t need to lurk for a month or methodically like 17 photos. Reacting to a story or leaving a normal comment can be enough. By the time you message them, your name might at least look familiar. And please don’t go back and like something from 2018. That’s creepy AF.
3. Make It About Something Specific
Speaking of, “hey” puts all the work on the other person. So does “you’re hot.”
Relationship expert Laurel House told Cosmopolitan that lines like “hi,” “you’re sexy,” and “thanks for accepting my friend request” are “statements, not conversation starters.”
Something from their profile gives you a much better opening. Maybe they posted from a restaurant you’ve wanted to try. Maybe they keep talking about a band you like. Ask about something you were genuinely curious about before you decided to message them. It’s easier to answer a real question than figure out what to do with “damn.”
4. Don’t Put On a Show
You don’t need to make yourself sound cooler than you are. That usually has the opposite effect anyway.
Sexologist Michelle Hope told Refinery29, “Use their interests and align it with yours.” That gives you somewhere natural to start. If they post about something you’re into too, talk about it. The point is to start a real conversation that goes somewhere.
5. Getting Out of the DMs
If you’ve been talking for a while and it feels like a go, you can move it off Instagram without turning it into a whole event. Giving them your number usually feels easier than asking for theirs because they can decide what they want to do with it.
Something like, “I’m enjoying talking to you. Here’s my number if you want to text,” is enough. Then leave it at that. If they text, great. If they don’t, sending “lol guess not” six hours later isn’t going to help your situation. At all.
Sliding into someone’s DMs always comes with a little risk. You’re making the first move without knowing what you’re going to get back. The best you can do is give them something normal or interesting to respond to and see where it goes.
The post How to Slide Into Someone’s DMs Without Coming Off Creepy appeared first on VICE.
