The dating world is so bleak right now that some singles are calling restaurants/bars ahead of time to see whether any cute guys are there. And while this is a harmless, silly dating trend, it shows how much daters crave actual meet-cutes. Surely, they can just swipe on an app and find a dinner date that way. But there’s something special about meeting someone out in the real world. You know, the old-fashioned way.
In fact, according to Hily Dating App data, 62% of Gen Z women and 55% of Gen Z men are open to meeting someone IRL. The problem? Well, 38% of women and 42% of men also feel anxious about approaching strangers. Perhaps that is why some call ahead of time, mentally preparing for the dating pool they’re about to dip their toes into for the evening.
What Does the Calling-Ahead Trend Reveal About Modern Dating?
According to Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a relationship expert at Hily Dating App and Harvard-trained clinical psychologist, this trend highlights the tension in modern dating.
“It’s ironic that people are trying to manufacture these impromptu and spontaneous meet-ups while simultaneously trying to control variables like you can with online dating,” says Dr. Sabrina Romanoff. “It speaks to our current desire to have our cake and eat it too.”
Is the Calling-Ahead Trend Actually Beneficial?
Sure, this lighthearted, funny trend could help in dating, as it lets you analyze your options before you even see them. However, if you go into every social outing with the hope to meet someone, you’re likely missing out on genuine connections and chance encounters. Instead of constantly focusing on finding a partner, try being present in every moment, whether grabbing drinks with your friends or having dinner with family.
“I would not recommend this approach because it comes with the mindset that going out, spending time with your girlfriends, and having new experiences are only ‘successful’ if you meet a cute potential new partner,” says Dr. Romanoff. “This inevitably places pressure on dating—it can make you feel more desperate and often leave you feeling worse if you don’t achieve your ‘objective’ at the end of the night.”
Trust me, I know how frustrating it can be to hear the advice of, “Just let love come to you!!!” and “It’ll happen when you least expect it!!!!” So, I won’t tell you either of those statements. They didn’t help me when I was single throughout my 20s, and honestly, they didn’t even prove to be true in my case. I had to actively work on myself and focus on my dating goals to find the right person.
But going to the other extreme of constantly dwelling on your singlehood and obsessing over meeting the love of your life won’t help either. So, sure, if you want to engage in this silly trend of calling a restaurant or bar ahead of time to scope out its patrons, go for it. Just don’t make meeting your person the core goal of every night out.
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