DEAR ABBY: My husband (80) and I (72) have been married 25 years. This is the second marriage for both of us. Until three years ago, I felt I had a wonderful relationship with his family, so it’s hard to deal with what he’s done to me and my relationships with them.
A new daughter-in-law, “Jean,” who has a granddaughter, “Sophie,” has fostered a secret relationship between my husband and this child, who is now 4. I was shocked when they came over on his birthday last year and Sophie was all over him, calling him grandpa, etc.
It was apparent what had been going on. I felt humiliated at being excluded but said nothing, as I had been looking forward to getting to know the child. I believe Jean has her eyes on my husband’s money. I suspect he used our joint checking account to buy a life insurance policy with this little girl as a beneficiary. I believe Jean thinks my husband (and I) should foot the bill for Sophie’s college education.
Now my husband wants a divorce. We’ve had some rocky years due to his health, but this takes the cake. This DIL is greedy and brazen. My husband did not want his son to marry her in the first place, but she had a plan. I have done nothing wrong (though he accuses me of cheating), and it is heartbreaking that his family is ghosting me. How do you fight a liar? — ILL IN ILLINOIS
DEAR ILL: Dealing with a manipulator like Jean can be a nightmare. If you haven’t consulted a divorce lawyer, do so now, and make sure the insurance policy is the first thing you mention.
A lot of your story is Jean’s word against yours, but if such a policy was created without your knowledge, your husband could be in big trouble. It may be of utmost interest to your attorney.
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DEAR ABBY: My oldest son, “Mitch,” from a previous marriage, passed away six months ago. He had five children and two grandchildren. Admittedly, I hadn’t been the most attentive grandparent over the years. I got along well with them, but I wasn’t always around because I was raising my own family.
Since Mitch’s death, I haven’t heard a word from any of them. His kids are grown; the youngest is 24. Mitch’s wife has made it known that I am not needed in their lives.
She said she needs time and space. I’m respecting that, but I’m not happy that I don’t get to see one of my great-grandsons. Should I force the issue and show up at her door one day? I don’t want to alienate them, but it’s becoming obvious that I’m out of their lives forever. These are sad times. I miss my son as much as they do, but they don’t care about me. — DOWN AND OUT IN INDIANA
DEAR DOWN AND OUT: You mentioned that you “weren’t the most attentive” grandparent over the years. Did this include forgetting them on birthdays, Christmas, graduations and so forth?
If the answer lies between “maybe” and “yes,” then it shouldn’t be surprising that your grandchildren learned to do without you in their lives. Allow me to offer this suggestion: Rather than show up unannounced, it might be more effective to reach out to them individually.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
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