Welcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
‘The Endangered Table’
Stephen Colbert on Tuesday made his first late night appearance since he signed off from “The Late Show” in May. Colbert was a guest on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” fresh from an Emmy win on Monday for the final season of his show, which Kimmel called “so popular, they had to pull it off of television.”
“People still do these shows?” Colbert joked as he sat down for an interview.
“Late-night TV. I remember it well. Many fond memories of this.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“I have an opportunity to not think about the news every day — and I took it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Colbert and Kimmel discussed sitting with fellow late night hosts Jon Stewart and John Oliver at the Emmys. They said that when a photographer came over to get a shot of the group, he referred to them as “the endangered table.”
“And if you can see, I’m smiling, but I literally said this under my breath: ‘That joke’s not as funny as you think.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Kimmel said his friend seemed happier and healthier since going off air. “Like I don’t drink a cup of poison every day? Exactly,” Colbert said. When Kimmel inquired if anyone from CBS had called to congratulate Colbert on his Emmy win, the former “Late Show” host quipped, “I am not familiar with that organization, thank you for asking.”
“Part of the job is — the old gig, as I remember it, was that, was to be lowered like carbon rods into a radioactive pool every day, and then to be pulled out and put in front of a camera, and to irradiate it back at the audience at a nonlethal rad level.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Colbert sported a gray beard that he had grown since his show ended, and that he promised his wife, Evie, he’d shave off if he won at the Emmys. Kimmel happily provided the clippers for Colbert to do the honors on camera.
“You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to save your beard hair, and I’m going to start a collection of late-night beard hair. Maybe I’ll ask David Letterman to give us some of his, he’s got plenty.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Thumbs Up Edition)
“After a three-month absence, Senator Mitch McConnell has returned to the Senate. Not on purpose — his speeding ambulance crashed into the Capitol.” — GREG GUTFELD
“Uh-oh. OK, I see that he’s giving a thumbs up, but that’s not the thumbs up of a man who’s doing well. That is the thumbs up of a football player on a stretcher that you’re never gonna see again.” — JOSH JOHNSON
“His thumb is saying ‘I’m good,’ but his face is saying, ‘[imitating heart monitor] Beep. Beep. Beeeeep.’” — JOSH JOHNSON
“Quick, tell the Senate to vote on universal health care right now. He’s stuck like that, he has to vote yes! Republicans are going to have to flip him upside down to get a ‘no’ vote.” — JOSH JOHNSON
“He seems good, right? He’s fine. He’s fine. For months, no one was sure if he was even alive — we still don’t know. Maybe the gummies just kicked in.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Bits Worth Watching
Helen Mirren crashed Jimmy Fallon’s “Tonight Show” monologue on Tuesday to show off her potty mouth.
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
Colin Kaepernick will discuss his new memoir, “The Perilous Fight,” on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”
Also, Check This Out
Reba McEntire paid homage to her decades-long friendship with Dolly Parton with a performance of “Appalachian Memories” in a tribute at the Emmys on Monday.
The post Stephen Colbert Returns to Late Night on ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live’ appeared first on New York Times.
