Season 1, Episode 4: ‘The Weenie’
Even though “Lanterns” is a cross between a superhero adventure and a buddy cop comedy, the show’s writers seemed, for the first three episodes, to be going out of their way to keep the buddies apart and the super heroics to a minimum. That changed with this week’s episode. Earth’s current Green Lantern and his would-be replacement are side-by-side for the whole hour, working together on an out-and-out caper, complete with power ring antics and repartee.
The result is the best “Lanterns” episode to date — or at least the one that best realizes the series’s potential. It’s a twisty and funny hour, packed with action; and it reveals that Hal and John might actually need each other more than they think. It just may take a while for them to stop defaulting to lies and mistrust.
Early in the episode, John is hiding the biggest secret. The Guardian who hired him drops by his Rushville motel room with a suggestion. The next time Hal lets John try on the ring, John is supposed to recite the Green Lantern oath, which will effectively endow him with all the Lantern responsibilities for Sector 2814. It’s a bold gambit, but it’s shady in a way that does not quite sit right with our ex-Marine.
As for Hal, he begins the episode by lying to John about his trip to see Sinestro, insisting instead that he was off “getting laid in space.” He definitely does not share that Sinestro advised him to kill John, or that he gave Hal tips for how to handle his usurper. John likes to follow orders? Good, he can be controlled. John is fearless? Great, then he will be arrogant and “blindly oblivious to your true intent.” (If Hal were more self-aware, that last bit of advice might sting a bit.)
But “Lanterns” would be an absolute drag if its two main heroes really hated each other. Whatever ulterior motives and deep grudges they have, Hal and John mesh well as a team — and seem almost to be having fun as they go looking for Rushville’s undercover Manhunter.
Their hunt proceeds in two phases. Initially, Hal and John are focused on Will Macon, convinced his anonymous “benefactor” must be the Manhunter. But after they get caught sneaking onto his compound, their theory evolves. Partly this is because Macon insists he has nothing to hide — something he reinforces by taking off all of his clothes and asking John to sketch him. And partly it is because another suspect emerges.
After John has another one of his trysts with Macon’s wife, Zoe, her truck is zapped by a satellite as she is driving away from the motel. The owner of the satellite company is Hector Hammond, a man who also runs several nearby high-tech slaughterhouses.
A buck naked Will Macon aside, this episode might not seem too exciting when reduced to the rudiments of its plot. It’s all the quirky details that give Hal and John’s mission its zing.
For example, for their raid on Macon’s compound, they avoid the guard towers’ sharpshooters by tunneling underground, using a big green drill designed by John and conjured up with the ring.
Their second raid — on one of Hammond’s slaughterhouses — is even more bizarre, as Hal and John wander into an antiseptic room and watch dumbfounded as a cow emerges from what looks to be a portal to another dimension and is sliced into prime cuts by lasers. (Also, light jazz is playing in the slaughterhouse — Kenny G, to be specific — which “can’t be good,” according to Hal.)
This is not exactly ordinary buddy cop stuff. Well … except for the banter. These Lanterns excel at amusing banter. Hal is a master at a wry tone, as when he offers to fly John somewhere saying, “I can either carry you like a baby or you can hop on and pretend like I’m a horse.” And John is surprisingly good at mocking his own self-seriousness, as when he tells Hal he was never allowed to go to Disneyland because he would kill the “happiest place on Earth” vibe.
The slaughterhouse raid turns out to be a bust, mainly because the man claiming to be Hector Hammond — and who also hints that he is the Manhunter, to intimate Hal and John — turns out to be an ordinary human named Hector Gutierrez (Jason Manuel Olazabal), who got all of his cutting-edge cow-slicing tech from the real Manhunter.
The Hector scene is charged with tension as Hector plays a recording of John’s conversation with the Guardian about taking the ring. He also threatens to kill John’s family with his satellites. Hal calls Hector’s bluff once he realizes that the so-called Manhunter — who should have arrived in Abin Sur’s spaceship — does not know the color of Abin Sur’s skin. (“He was a very memorable shade,” Hal snarls.)
By this point in the episode though, both Hal and John have a pretty good idea of who the Manhunter actually is — as should any “Lanterns” viewer who had been even half paying attention.
Back when Macon was posing nude, he told a story about how his cancer was miraculously cured by his benefactor’s technology, and how Zoe nursed him back to health. He also talks about all the positive changes to Rushville once his benefactor arrived. “Crops grow, kids thrive,” he says. Macon does not connect the dots, but we can. Zoe is the benefactor. Zoe is the Manhunter. And Zoe is also probably still alive.
Because of the strange relationship between Hal and John, it takes them a beat before they openly acknowledge what they both know. First Hal tries to get John to admit it, saying: “Manhunters manipulate. Remind you of anyone we know?” But when John replies, “Must be Macon,” Hal has to force the issue, getting John to confess that he has suspected Zoe for a while. Then Hal intentionally crashes their rental car, with John inside. Roll credits.
It is important to remember that these two don’t really know each other yet — mainly because Hal has been keeping John at arm’s length. John has been making more of an effort to be seen. When he hears from the Guardians that Hal thinks he “lacks creativity,” John works extra hard on the ring-generated drilling machine so that Hal can see his artistic side. But John still has no conception of what Hal’s life has been like as the only human Green Lantern surrounded by alien colleagues. (“One’s a squirrel,” Hal sighs, adding an expletive.)
In short, they underestimate each other — something that is a habit for Hal. During his conversation with Sinestro, Hal’s former mentor outright tells him, “My ambition was always a threat, you simply chose not to see it.” That is because Hal sees the universe through his own jaded eyes, which show him exactly what he wants to believe. He could use someone like John, whose upbringing has given him a unique perspective.
And who knows? Maybe the solution to the male loneliness epidemic is superhero team-ups.
Brightest day, blackest night …
The title of this episode, “The Weenie,” refers to John’s observation that the four guard towers on Macon’s compound could be surrounding what Walt Disney used to call a “weenie” — the structure in his theme parks that everything is built around. (Or the title could also refer to Macon’s full frontal nudity. Take your pick.)
“Hector Hammond” is a familiar name to Green Lantern fans. He’s one of Hal Jordan’s primary antagonists in the comics (and in the movie “Green Lantern,” in which he was played by Peter Sarsgaard). He is known for his brilliant mind, psionic powers and enormous mutated head. As soon as I saw Gutierrez’s normal-size head, I knew he wasn’t Hammond.
As they’re sneaking into Macon’s compound, Hal steps on a booby-trapped floor panel and John warns, “If you move, it’ll set it off,” to which Hal replies, “Good movie.” “Great movie,” John says. What can I say? These guys are a good hang.
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