My 12-month-old says her fifth word, “Nanie,” when Jane walks into our kitchen. Jane — known by my children as Nanie — just got back from putting my 2-year-old son down for his nap.
Knowing he’s sound asleep, I let out an exhale. My husband and I haven’t been able to get him down for his afternoon nap in months: Jane is the only one who can do it.
For over a year, we’ve paid her $20 an hour to be my “mother’s helper,” an extra set of hands to assist with chores around the house and childcare. Oh, and she’s also my cousin.
When we had a gap in our childcare, my cousin felt like an obvious solution
When my second baby was born last July, my 23-year-old cousin Jane began coming over more and more to spend time with us.
Some of my best memories from our time in the newborn bubble are of Jane and me hanging out on my couch, watching “The Summer I Turned Pretty” or just chatting.
When my husband’s paternity leave ended, we quickly realized we needed an extra set of hands to help out with both kids in the long run.
My husband works full-time as a lawyer, and I am a literary agent, author, and podcast host. Although my job is flexible, there are plenty of windows where I need help with the children so I can take a call, edit a manuscript, or interview a guest.
My cousin, who had already been spending a lot of time with us, was the obvious first person to ask. She said yes.
With our arrangement, we pay Jane $20 an hour to watch the kids and serve as an extra set of hands as needed.
When I’m not working, we often split tasks. While I get the baby up from her nap to nurse, Jane will cook my 2-year-old the lunchtime hits that only she knows how to make the “right” way — mac and cheese, quesadillas, and fruit salad.
I love hearing them chat in the kitchen about their mornings from the other room. At his naptime, she takes him through a lengthy routine that is impossible to imitate, but always leads to a two-hour nap (at least).
The arrangement with my cousin has been very full circle. Since there is an 11-year age difference between us, I vividly remember holding Jane and helping out when she was a baby.
This age difference has also been an unexpected blessing. Her energy and fort-building skills are unmatched, as is her knowledge of all the fun TikTok tricks for getting picky toddlers to eat and sleep.
This arrangement has been incredible, and I worry about when it will end
Childcare is a universal issue amongst my friends, and knowing that I always have our “Nanny Nanie” to help us out three or four days a week for two-to-four-hour chunks has made a huge difference in our lives.
Every month or so, my husband and I even hire her for a date night so we can go to dinner or see “The Odyssey” in theatres.
The most unexpected perk of our arrangement, though, is how close we’ve become. Jane has always been part of our family, but we have spent more time together in the last year than we ever had before.
She sees my kids more than most other family members, a fact we all view as an irreplaceable gift.
Together, we’ve celebrated milestones and birthdays and all of those tiny, often hilarious, in-between moments that only two under 2 and a puppy under one roof could bring about.
Jane is a hardworking student with multiple jobs, so the only downside of our arrangement is that we only get her for a few hours, a few days a week.
I’ve come to rely on her so much that I know when she soon enters the next phase of her career, no one will ever be able to replace her.
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