For years, I was an active elementary school volunteer. Although I never dove headlong into the often intense world of the Parent Teacher Association (PTA), for more than a decade, I dutifully served as a room parent for one or more of my four children’s classes.
Now, my youngest child is moving on to middle school, and my days as a school volunteer are coming to an end.
I enjoyed all of the memories and connections being a school volunteer allowed me to make, but I have to admit, I’m a little excited about not being the one to put together the class list at back-to-school night this year.
I loved being a room parent
There was a lot I enjoyed about volunteering at my children’s schools for so many years. I loved having a closer, more regular relationship with my children’s teachers, which came with an open line of communication that wasn’t always available to parents who did not volunteer.
Each of my children’s elementary school teachers was an important adult in my kids’ lives, someone who sometimes spent more time with them in a given day than I did. They were there for countless playground dramas, skinned knees, little-kid accomplishments like learning to spell their name, and big-time achievements such as completing their first chapter book or cracking the code on solving a long-division equation. Getting to know my children’s teachers outside of parent-teacher conferences was important to me, and volunteering was one way to do so.
In my role as room parent, I also rejoiced every time I headed into a classroom for holiday parties, Halloween parades, and Valentine’s Day card exchanges. I relished being in the know about field trips before everyone else and liked being a reliable parent that teachers came to for help when they needed more pencils or Clorox wipes.
Plus, since I regularly emailed the entire class, I got to know other parents more quickly. Sometimes I received odd requests, such as being asked to send out birthday party invitations for a classmate’s party to select children or to pass along individual complaints to teachers about seating arrangements. However, I didn’t mind politely saying no and moving on.
Volunteering in middle and high school is different
I deeply respect all caregivers who volunteer to help make their children’s schools better. Teachers and school administrators are often overworked. For the parents who have the time, helping to lighten their load is important. Pitching in to support extra activities that make schools more fun for older children is important, too. School dances and supporters clubs for sports teams probably wouldn’t happen without parent volunteers stepping in to help.
However, as my older kids entered middle school and high school, I realized that volunteering wasn’t as meaningful for me. In our school district, students go from having one or two primary teachers in elementary school to rotating between approximately six different classrooms each day. The role of room parent that I enjoyed so much in elementary school, getting to know teachers and being present in the classroom, simply does not exist in our area’s middle and high schools.
There are certainly parents who work hard behind the scenes at these schools, volunteering to fundraise, organizing yearbook photos, and helping in a thousand other ways that many parents don’t fully appreciate. While these tasks are vital to improving schools, these roles seem very removed from the day-to-day experiences of my children. It may seem selfish to only want to volunteer when I can see the direct impact on my children, but I have other reasons for giving up volunteering now that I no longer have any children in elementary school.
I’m shifting my focus
For two decades, my primary identity has been that of a mother to young children. I’m ready to spend more time on myself.
My oldest daughter, unbelievably, turned 20 this year. My youngest turned 11. For two decades, I have been in the thick of mothering young children. My identity, including my role as a school volunteer, has been intricately tied to my children. While I like to believe that all of my offspring still need me to some extent, the reality is that they need me much less than they once did.
For the first time in 20 years, I have more time and space to focus on my own wants and needs. Over the years, I have given up a lot for my children. I left my traditional full-time job as a civil rights lawyer, even though I enjoyed my work and found it deeply meaningful. I abandoned hobbies, including photography, even though I had poured many hours into perfecting my skills. I am often too tired to read at night even though I used to read dozens of books a year. I’ve let my health slack, often not having the time or energy to exercise or cook nourishing meals.
I don’t regret volunteering or the countless other ways I gave up my time to support my children. However, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I see an opportunity to truly start making myself a priority again, fostering an identity beyond being a mother to young kids. My children’s education will always be my biggest priority. Nevertheless, as I enter this new phase, I no longer think that being an active school volunteer with a recurring role has to be part of the equation.
I hope I still get to chaperone the occasional middle-school field trip or pitch in at a classroom celebration. Yet, with gratitude, I am ready to pass the torch on to other parents to do the heavy lifting as school volunteers.
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