In 2023, I stepped back from a demanding, over-20-year career in corporate America.
At the time, I didn’t think of it as a gap year; that was for college kids or people going on a retreat somewhere exotic. A friend from the UK informed me that a gap year was exactly what we, two moms in our 40s, had done — take time off to explore, get to know ourselves, and figure out what’s next, without pay or benefits.
I started my gap year stressed, lost, and tired
I spent my 20s and 30s trying to have it all — the family, the career, the success.
Trying to have it all is exhausting. Life had felt like sprinting a marathon for as long as I could remember. I had no idea how tired I was until I stopped working.
My initial reaction to taking time off was how to fill it. What new activities would I try? What new places would I visit? I had created a list of 100 things to do and consulted it in my planner every day.
After a month, I took a break for a few weeks, giving my body and brain a chance to recover. I stopped beginning each day with a to-do list longer than I could accomplish — a holdover from the corporate life I desperately needed to let go of.
This left me more open to curiosity and to having space for new opportunities. Strangers in coffee shops became friends. I had the capacity to say yes to a tap dancing class. I solo-traveled to a book retreat and Disneyland.
I had to let go of being so financially independent
Growing up, I was surrounded by independent women. My mom and both of my grandmas worked, and I felt the societal pressure to always be able to support myself.
My gap year was the first time in my adult life that I was financially dependent on someone else. Looking back, it seems silly to be worried about relying on my husband, but for the first time in almost 20 years of marriage, I didn’t have a regular paycheck.
We examined our finances and realized we had a lot of fat we could trim and still live comfortably. We were shocked by the amount we spent on subscriptions we didn’t use, food delivery, and eating out. I was emotionally spending, especially on clothes, because I was stressed and unhappy at work.
I made a goal of trying at least one new thing a week
Inspired by a career change course I took early on in my gap year, I gave myself a goal of doing one new thing every week.
I traveled — visiting Disneyland for the first time and going on a book retreat with authors, aspiring writers, and book lovers. My mom and I took an Alaska cruise, a bucket-list trip for both of us.
I made time for spontaneity and the unexpected. Like standing in our driveway with my kids and seeing the northern lights for the first time.
I worked on saying yes to new experiences — a floating sound bath, trying a cold plunge, and being in a tap performance, dancing onstage for the first time since I was 4. Free classes at the library, searching events online, and asking people for ideas led to trying forest bathing, roller skating, and a holiday sing-along bus tour.
I had the time to build and nurture friendships. Making friends as an adult, not through work, is hard. Getting out in the world and doing new things meant meeting new people.
I volunteered with a new friend harvesting corn for a food bank, built relationships with fellow theater parents, and connected with people at the dog park.
The best was exploring new places and spaces with my kids — escape rooms, coffee shops, and national parks. My kids say they saw a change in me. I was more relaxed, open, and present — physically, mentally, and emotionally.
My priorities shifted, and it helped prepare me for the major life changes to come
Before, I was a working mom determined to have it all, telling myself I had work/life balance.
If I’m being honest, I fit life around work. My job often demanded that it came first — never-ending to-do lists, urgent emails, travel, and always chasing the next promotion. I didn’t have the time or emotional or mental capacity to be present in all the things I was doing. Stepping away helped me realize my priorities had shifted.
I made a career change to become a travel writer. Now I have autonomy and a job that gets me out experiencing new things regularly. Work can be further down the priority list, with self-care, family, and friends coming first.
In the last six months, my husband retired, my youngest went off to college, and I started a new job as a substitute teacher. It’s been a lot, but the curiosity, friendships, and openness to trying new things found in my gap year have been invaluable in navigating all these major life changes.
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