Unfortunately, dating in 2026 pretty much involves labeling a bunch of toxic, disturbing behaviors and patterns as “dating trends.” The latest? Cushioning, aka being in a relationship while entertaining potential backup plans should you and your partner break up.
Isn’t that just lovely?
It’s not a new concept, unfortunately. In fact, I’m pretty sure my ex did this to me long before the term even existed. But hey, maybe if we can name the issue, we can better avoid it going forward, right?
I sure hope so.
Let’s dissect this concerning dating trend with an expert.
What Is Cushioning?
You know the expression “cushion your fall”? Well, some people cushion their relationships…with other people. In other words, they keep exes or “friends” around as prospective partners, should their current relationship fail.
“Cushioning is when one partner keeps a roster of ‘backup’ options should the relationship end,” says April Davis, Founder, Dating Coach, and Matchmaker of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking, a nationwide INC 5000 Luxury Matchmaking firm. “They’re technically in a relationship, but they’re still flirting with other people, entertaining other possible romantic connections, or keeping in contact with their ex. It’s definitely adjacent to micro-cheating.”
It seems this pattern stems from an inability to be alone. Ironically enough, people who partake in this dating trend are subconsciously (or consciously) sabotaging their current connection. It’s like they’re preparing for a breakup they’re actively causing. Or maybe they’re just unhappy in their relationship yet too afraid to voice it. So instead, they seek external validation or a new connection as an out.
“People cushion because of insecurity and the fear of being alone,” Davis explains. “Some people are afraid to fully invest in one relationship and keep other options waiting on the sidelines in case something goes wrong.”
According to Davis, this might stem from excessive dating app use.
“Dating apps have convinced us that there’s always a better option just one swipe away, so it’s really no surprise,” she says.
And to that, might I recommend not getting into a relationship if you want to entertain multiple people at once? There’s no shame in staying single.
And, of course, there’s also the relationship-hopper: someone who stays in their current relationship while actively pursuing someone else. They then immediately jump into that new relationship before grieving the previous one.
“Cushioning can be a soft exit, where they aren’t ready to end the relationship until they have something else lined up,” Davis says.
Signs Your Partner Is Cushioning
Worried your partner is cushioning? Thankfully, it’s usually easy to spot—especially if you listen to your intuition instead of dismissing your discomfort. Boundaries exist for a reason.
“One of the biggest signs your partner might be cushioning you is secrecy,” Davis says. “Maybe they’re constantly texting someone and deleting the messages. They might be snapping someone daily but gaslighting you when you ask why they have a 100-day streak. They pretend they’re not in contact with their ex anymore, but you catch them reaching out to vent after arguments.”
If you spot any of this behavior, it’s important to address it rather than downplaying your instincts or excusing your partner’s shadiness. Know this: if you can’t trust your partner, you probably shouldn’t be with them. Don’t wait around for sketchy behavior to change.
The post Introducing ‘Cushioning,’ the Latest Toxic Trend That Dating Experts Say Is a Red Flag appeared first on VICE.
