I recently read an article that described the most dangerous and manipulative type of person as someone who doesn’t flat-out lie, but instead tells partial lies and partial truths. Why? Because this type of person often causes you to doubt your reality.
When someone fully lies to your face, it’s usually easy to call out and label them as untrustworthy. But when someone tells you most of the truth—while bending or leaving out other details—it starts to get a bit hazy. This can make you question your own perception or memory, and that can be a slippery slope into manipulation.
I spoke with a therapist about why, exactly, this type of behavior is so concerning—and how to avoid being fooled by the half-truth-telling manipulator.
Liar vs. Manipulator
Oftentimes, we confuse liars for manipulators—which, to be honest, is a fair mixup. Liars often use their mistruths to manipulate their subjects. However, not all manipulators are liars. In fact, some of the most dangerous types of manipulation do not involve lying.
“It can be hard to tell when a person is using manipulation when they are telling partial truths,” says Krista Walker, LCSW, J.D., Clinical Director at The Ohana Luxury Addiction Treatment Center. “They may tell you something that is partially true while leaving out key information. It’s important to pay attention to the overall pattern rather than each statement.”
For example, someone who flat-out lies to you is usually easy to spot. On the other hand, someone who tells half-truths while intentionally keeping out important details that would otherwise influence your perspective is a bit more difficult to identify. Not to mention, dealing with this type of person can be incredibly disorienting. You might feel gaslit or try to justify their actions by telling yourself, “Technically, they didn’t lie to me…”
“Partial truths can be confusing because the person is telling some of the truth,” says Walker. “However, they are not being transparent or completely honest. This can make you question your own perception of things. You may feel like you’re constantly trying to solve a puzzle. You’re trying to figure out what is going on, what their motivation is. This can be incredibly exhausting emotionally.”
How to Deal With the Truth-Telling Manipulator
Once you recognize that someone is only sharing half the truth with you while intentionally leaving out important details, be careful not to take their word at face value anymore.
“If you discover repeatedly that a person is leaving out details or telling half-truths, it’s worth paying attention to,” Walker adds.
Walker also recommends setting boundaries to protect yourself from further manipulation. Typically, the less you engage with this type of person, the better. They often thrive off your attention, even if you’re simply arguing or defending your side. There’s usually no reasoning with them.
“You don’t have to prove anything,” she says. “Don’t get pulled into an argument about whether or not the person is manipulating you or telling half of the truth. Simply set that boundary.”
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