Having an in with powerful people is one way to unlock success—but you don’t need a corner-office career to recognize them from the crowd. Podcaster Mel Robbins says she learned the secret to spotting the most influential person in the room from her “mentor boss” Ruth while working her first job waitressing at Red Rooster Tavern in Scenic Drive, Michigan. It’s a lesson she’s carried along with her while building her multimillion-dollar empire.
“She told me when I started waitressing the secret to getting a good tip: Understanding who has influence over who gives you the good tip,” Robbins told the Wall Street Journal in a recent interview.
“A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that if you walk up to a group of couples, that it’s going to be the dudes that pay. The dudes decide to tip. That’s not what happens,” Robbins continued. “What happens often is the women turn to their partners and say ‘She was great, give her a tip.’ And so Ruth told me to ignore the men and to completely take fabulous care of the women.”
Figuring out who really holds the power in a corporate setting is a different game, but the trick remains the same.
Putting Robbins’ trick to practice in the corporate world
The 57-year-old creator of The Mel Robbins Podcast and former CNN legal analyst has rubbed shoulders with some of the biggest names in business. Throughout her successful two-decade career as a motivational speaker, best-selling author, Robbins has focused on self-improvement and success after having previously worked in law. She’s interviewed the likes of real estate mogul Barbara Corcoran, serial entrepreneur Emma Grede, and former dot-com business executive Seth Godin. And when it comes to spotting the business bigwigs, she’s developed a keen eye in detecting who really holds the power.
Oftentimes, it isn’t the one with the biggest title or sitting at the head of a boardroom table. Just as she found in her job serving burgers and sandwiches, the corporate power player with the most influence is really the one who has the ear of the people in charge.
“I think it’s never who you think it is,” Robbins explained. “Pay attention, look at people in positions of power. Who is actually close to them? Who do they listen to? Who’s in charge of their calendars? Honestly, a lot of times in corporations, it’s the assistant that has a lot of influence. And if the assistant likes you, you get in for the meeting. You get on to the calendar.”
The people with the most influence can be easy to overlook, but that doesn’t make their power any less real. Whether it be a career in food service, academia, construction, or corporate America, learning to recognize who has influence—and treating them accordingly—can be a valuable career skill.
“We always look at the person on stage, when it’s really the person that is standing next to the door that has the job that everybody ignores,” Robbins said. “That is the person you want to know.”
Casting a wide net of relationships and valuing others leads to career success
Robbins’ lesson is not just about identifying who has influence—it’s also about understanding how job opportunities can hinge on the people you might otherwise overlook. Casting a wide net of relationships and creating a lasting impression on others could make or break career success.
Pat Mitchell, the former president and CEO of The Paley Center for Media, similarly emphasized the power of purposeful relationships over simply boasting a rolodex of executives. Mitchell, a veteran media executive and longtime connector of influential people, says building a strong network can be a powerful source of career influence.
“You can measure power by who you know and your ability to connect people,” Mitchell previously told Fortune. “In the industry I started in, you couldn’t find allies, let alone mentors. Open up your network and invite someone else in.”
And sticking by Robbins’ rule can pay off in seemingly inconsequential moments when vying for a career opportunity. Steven Bartlett, the founder and host of The Diary of a CEO podcast, once took a chance on an applicant with a virtually blank CV because she showed kindness and humility to others around her. The candidate may not have had industry pedigree or a long list of impressive credentials, but she made an impression on someone who was paying attention, and it got her into Bartlett’s circle.
“I hired someone whose CV was two lines. Their experience was zero,” Bartlett explained in a LinkedIn post earlier this year. “Much of the reason why I gave her the job was because: She thanked the security guard by name on the way into the building.”
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