DEAR ABBY: My youngest son is getting married this spring, and they have decided they want a child-free wedding reception. We have three grandchildren, ages 3 to 7. The wedding is where my son and his fiancée live, so we are all traveling. They have asked all three kids to be in the wedding party as flower girls and the ring bearer, but afterward there is a sit-down meal, reception and dance to which the kids are not invited. The parents are expected to find or bring babysitters.
Our grandchildren are extremely important to my husband and me, and we are devastated they have been excluded. We see them as part of the immediate family and have asked that they be included, but the bride and groom have declined our requests. They have also banned babies of any age, nursing or not, yet their dog is part of the wedding party.
I was at the bride’s wedding shower this past weekend, along with my two other daughters-in-law, and I tried to feel enthusiastic about their upcoming wedding, but it is difficult. I have shed a few tears over this and have become resentful of both of them. Do you have any advice? — WEDDING WOES IN CANADA
DEAR WEDDING WOES: I’m sorry the wedding reception isn’t going to be the joyous family moment you were hoping for. If you and your husband were to renew your vows, I’m sure the festivities would be much different. However, this day is for the bride and groom. They are planning the celebration they want, and that includes a reception they’ve deemed inappropriate for kids. Show your love and respect for them by leaving your expectations — and your grandchildren — at the hotel.
DEAR ABBY: An acquaintance of mine has posted pictures of his newly built mansion, from breaking ground to digging the huge pool to the house itself. I admit I’m jealous. But isn’t this rude of him? All our friends are middle to upper class. I find it terribly insensitive. Am I wrong? — FLIPPING MAD IN TEXAS
DEAR FLIPPING MAD: I’m sorry your ego is bruised from looking at the photos your friend posted of creating his new home, but what he did isn’t rude. Perhaps if you start counting the blessings you have in your own life, you can combat the green-eyed monster you have been feeding. I wish you luck because there is nothing constructive about envy.
DEAR ABBY: Should I tell my two older grandchildren that my husband and I are divorcing? Although the divorce is in its early stages, our home is expected to be sold a year and a half from now. My daughter and grandchildren reside in that home. I’d like to know if this would be too early to let them know. Please give me your opinion. — MAKING A CHANGE IN FLORIDA
DEAR MAKING A CHANGE: Your daughter should be told (if she doesn’t already know) because she will need time to find another home for herself and her children. When to share the news of the divorce with her children should be her decision. A year and a half is plenty of time for everyone to prepare for the changes that are coming. I hope that the divorce will be amicable.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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