If Google reviews existed 250 years ago, this one might have kicked off the revolution:
British Embassy — ★☆☆☆☆ Do you remember when we threw tea in the harbor? WERE NOT SORRY. USA BABY 250 YEARS BIG DOG WE DONT EVEN LIKE TEA
There are more than 176 embassies in the nation’s capital. From 16th Street NW to Massachusetts Avenue NW, foreign missions occupy some of the most prominent and fortified buildings in the city. They are at once visible yet exclusive.
Most countries dedicate more resources and personnel to their diplomatic missions in Washington than any other capital in the world. These embassies fill many purposes — entertaining, national security, economic development, bureaucratic paper-pushing. But for all of the private dinner parties, exclusive sauna clubs, public concerts, art exhibits and viral social media campaigns, there is no single standard by which their diplomatic labors are measured.
To better understand the role and utility of embassies in this city, The Washington Post analyzed the most ubiquitous and egalitarian metric of all: the Google review.
Where else can an embassy be compared against the merits of a McDonald’s or your local mechanic?
At the risk of creating a diplomatic incident, The Post has excerpted some of the most entertaining reviews. (For every negative comment, there are often just as many complimentary reviews. However, if we’re being honest with ourselves, that’s not why we read the comment section.)
According to 24,598 Google reviews analyzed by The Post, becoming an outstanding embassy starts with mastering one simple trick: answering the phone. A preponderance of comments suggests this technology may still be out of grasp for many embassies.
Embassy of the People’s Republic of China — ★☆☆☆☆You all misunderstood the number they listed online. It’s not a phone number. It’s a lottery number. The chance they pick up the phone is same as you winning powerball.
Embassy of the Republic of Iraq — ★☆☆☆☆For the sake of your parents, when will you finish your breakfast and answer the phone? Please, for God’s sake.
Embassy of Romania — ★☆☆☆☆On the phone, their menu has 3 options: 1 — “SALES” (???!!! — what is the embassy selling?!) 2 — “SUPPORT” (technical support ???!!!) 3 — was not able to understand (probably medical supplies !)…
Embassy of the Republic of Poland — ★☆☆☆☆The Miracle on the Vistula was a piece of cake! Calling this facility would be a miracle!
Embassy Google reviews are generally not representative of American attitudes on foreign relations.
Reviews are primarily a reflection of consular services being provided to citizens traveling or living abroad — things like processing passports or rendering emergency assistance. Think of it as leaving reviews on the Department of Motor Vehicles. But even by that measure, 74 embassies in Washington are rated worse than the average DMV location in Washington (below 3.5 stars). Which explains rants like this:
Embassy of South Africa — ★☆☆☆☆If you’ve ever thought, “Hey, let me contact the South African Embassy, I’m sure that’ll be a smooth and efficient experience!”—oh, sweet summer child, bless your innocent heart. Let’s get one thing straight: customer service does not exist here. No, really. It’s a mythical concept, like unicorns or politicians who keep their promises. … Would rather fight a rabid honey badger than call them again.
At their best, embassy reviews are one of those liminal corners of the internet where people scrawl messages they are unsure anyone will ever read.
Embassy of the Republic of Niger — ★★★★★10/10 Would pick my friend up from here again!
Embassy of Sweden — ★★★★☆Better than Finland. Still needs fjords like Norway.
Embassy of the Kingdom of Bahrain — ★★★★★It looks like a forgotten school
Embassy of the Republic of the Congo — ★☆☆☆☆Haunted house, spooky, good for a Halloween party.
Embassy of France — ★★★★★I was just using that France embassy 4 Gps. love France never been there…
Embassies are reading these reviews and taking them seriously, based on interviews with staff and the comment sections. According to The Post’s analysis of both an embassy’s overall Google review score and the number of comments per embassy, three countries stood out as the best rated in Washington: Cambodia, Ukraine and Bulgaria, in that respective order.
This news was a welcome surprise for the embassies.
“I’m really happy and delighted to be in third place and happy for my colleagues,” Lucy Taseva from Bulgaria’s consular section told The Post.
“Wow!” exclaimed Yevhen Ihnatovskyi, counselor for consular affairs at the Ukrainian Embassy in Washington. Ihnatovskyi said he looks at the embassy’s Google reviews about twice a week. His surprise is in part due to the frustration he navigates every day. For the past four years, the Ukrainian Embassy has been busier than ever before.
“Since the beginning of Russia’s full-scale invasion, more than 290,000 Ukrainian nationals are estimated to have arrived in the United States,” Ihnatovskyi said.
That massive influx of Ukrainians to the U.S. has created a huge increased demand for passports and emergency assistance, all of which his office handles with only 14 consular officers. Ihnatovskyi said his office’s workload has roughly tripled since the beginning of the war.
“Believe me, it is an enormous workload,” Ihnatovskyi said, which has translated into long wait times for appointments at the embassy. “So, I am very surprised that we have so [much] positive feedback on Google reviews. It tells us that our work is noticed and appreciated by the people.”
Ihnatovskyi said he appreciates even the negative reviews. “It’s real feedback from our citizens,” he said. “We know the challenges our citizens face during the war and during their stay in the United States. And we still have a lot of work to do.”
The post Yes, people leave reviews for embassies — and they aren’t all diplomatic appeared first on Washington Post.
