This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Jermaine Ee, founder of HeirLight. It has been edited for length and clarity.
Even when I was living in New York, I frequently flew home to visit my parents and three younger siblings in LA. When the pandemic made travel harder, I realized that if my family really is the most important thing in my life, I should design my life around it.
That’s how I ended up back in LA, running a company with my mom, MC. My mom was smart and had worked her way up to a vice-president role at a logistics company. Still, as an Asian immigrant who was a stay-at-home mom for many years, she had a lot of imposter syndrome. She was hugely underpaid.
When I moved home, I started a logistics company, in partnership with my mom. Working together not only meant she had the title and pay she deserved for her hard work — it also meant we were spending more time together, working side by side.
Asking my parents about taxes opened up a bigger conversation
In February 2025, I was having lunch with my parents. I was asking the typical question an oldest son asks ahead of tax season, like whether they had maxed out their Roth IRAs. That opened up a bigger conversation, and I realized that my mom was afraid of running out of money before she died.
I realized that my mom didn’t know what she had. I used ChatGPT to create a bot that asked her about her assets, everything from accounts to belongings she cared about. I helped her use that information to create a will.
From there, the conversations expanded. I began asking more about the people my mom cared about and the things that kept her up at night.
We traveled together and talked about her life
My mom and I have always been close, but I got to know her even more through these conversations. In May 2025, we traveled with my brother and dad to Oklahoma City, where my parents first came when they immigrated from Malaysia 40 years ago.
We went to Burger King, where my mom ate her first sandwich in the US — she ate only half because it was so expensive to her. I could see her pride in how far she had come when we returned.
Our next trip was bigger: to Salzburg, Austria. My mom has always adored “The Sound of Music.” At the Von Trapp family home, my mom said she could never have imagined standing before it when she was a little girl watching the movie in Malaysia.
My mom died 3 weeks later
Just two weeks after that, my mom had a stroke that would kill her. She and my dad continued traveling to Malaysia to visit family. My mom was in a coma there for eight days before she died at 61.
Losing her so unexpectedly was incredibly difficult. But it was just slightly easier because of the conversations we’d been having. My dad, siblings, and I didn’t need to guess at what she wanted because we had talked about it. We knew she didn’t like pain and wouldn’t want to be kept alive by machines. Lots of other families don’t have the luxury of knowing that.
There was so much beauty in my mom’s last months. I had no idea she would die young. Yet, because of the conversations we had, I was able to understand her interests more and have experiences like Oklahoma and Salzburg that I’ll treasure forever.
I launched a planning company on my mom’s birthday
Even before my mom died, I was working to help other families have conversations like the ones we had benefited from. I had realized that clarity is love in practical form.
These conversations are serious, but they don’t have to be heavy. I even joke with my dad, who is 63. He has a plot to be buried with my mom, so I tease him by asking what will happen if he gets a new girlfriend.
I launched my company, Heirlight, on what would have been my mom’s 62nd birthday last October. I’m lucky to have had casual, open conversations about the end of life with my parents. Now, I want to help other families do the same.
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