This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Alice Kim, a freelancer from Southern California. It’s been edited for length and clarity.
I think I was burned out for the entire six-year period I worked in investment banking and private equity. For the first half of my career, I was fresh out of college and felt like I had unlimited grit to push through, but the burnout accumulated over time.
After moving across various roles, ending up in what I’d previously considered to be a dream role with more work-life balance, and still feeling too exhausted to complete the simplest of tasks, I knew something needed to change.
I quit my job, thinking I’d just need a few months to recover; I was so wrong.
I went through a lot of ups and downs, feeling like I was recovering from burnout, only for the feelings to come back. I learned the hard way that it wasn’t my job burning me out; it was my mindset keeping me in a cycle of burnout.
After 18 months, I’m ready to go back to work, but I’m choosing a different path.
My burnout manifested as a sense of dread
I entered the industry because it was prestigious, well-paying, and would give me a lot of optionality for my future. There were aspects I enjoyed, like the people and, as lame as it sounds, building Excel models, but it was a lot of work.
Working 80 hours a week or more in a high-pressure environment felt like a recipe for burnout, and as a perfectionist, it was a standard I continuously held myself to. I was functioning on five hours of sleep, staring at screens all day, and drinking so much caffeine to keep me going.
I tried to work out when I could, but I couldn’t maintain any healthy habits with the sheer amount of time I was working. On top of it all, the chronic stress made me incredibly impatient and irritable.
My burnout manifested in a sense of dread. The feeling that I was stuck in cement and unable to get myself to do anything or feel motivated. That was really tough for me because I’ve always identified as an extremely hard worker, and when I couldn’t find the willpower to push through, it felt like I’d lost myself.
A vacation I took using PTO made me realize I was trapped in my finance bubble
The decision to leave was gradual, and then really fast. I discovered surfing very randomly on a last-minute trip I took using PTO, and I fell in love with it. It inspired me to start traveling as frequently as I could for surfing, and I realized how sheltered I’d been in my finance bubble.
I had a growing desire to take a career break, and as my burnout grew, I considered it more seriously. I stumbled upon a surf trip to a bucket-list location, and I treated it as my sign from the universe to submit my resignation.
The next day, I booked the trip and planned my exit.
When I first left, I planned exactly four months of travel and decided I’d come back and look for an adjacent role in a similar industry.
I learned the hard way that time doesn’t heal burnout
As soon as my travels began, I knew four months wasn’t going to be enough. I felt happy, and I really felt like it would take longer for me to recover from burnout and feel ready to go back to work.
About six months into my career break, I took up a freelance opportunity and immediately felt burned out again. I think part of the reason my burnout returned was because I went back to work. I felt pulled to work because I needed to be productive to feel valuable.
I was burned out at my new job, but I later realized it was my core belief system that was driving me to act in ways that burned me out. My mentality didn’t change just because I rested for a while.
Additionally, because I didn’t have my corporate job as an outlet for my perfectionism, I transferred it to surfing. I started pushing myself so hard and holding myself to such high standards that I almost burned out from surfing as well.
I realized the toxic ways I operated were why burnout followed me wherever I went, regardless of whether I had a job.
I’m still finding self-worth outside of productivity
I’ve had to deconstruct the belief that my worth comes from work by questioning it and slowly realizing how unrealistic it was. As long as I held those ideas to be true, the burnout would persist.
I still haven’t fully deconstructed those thoughts, but each day I get 1% closer. Although my corporate experience wasn’t perfect, I’m grateful it provided me with the financial ability to continue my travels while getting my freelance work up and running.
At the beginning of 2025, I pretty much ditched the idea of returning to corporate unless I become extremely desperate. My new goal is to build a portfolio career that aligns with who I am, allows for freedom, and leverages my professional experience.
I’m currently doing strategic finance freelance work while building my social media platforms on the side.
I know I’m asking for a lot to be able to work remotely across different time zones, but that’s the goal. I’ve been making sacrifices for it, like working odd hours to overlap with US business hours, and it’s worth it to me.
Do you have a story to share about burnout or taking a career break? If so, please reach out to the reporter at [email protected].
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