For the past five years, my husband and I have spent several months each year living with his 85-year-old mom.
Since he and I both work remotely and don’t have any children or pets, we make the most of our freedom by choosing to spend a lot of time with his mom while we can.
After all, our home base is in Los Angeles, on the other side of the country, so we like to make the most of our time together when we can.
Many people might assume this unconventional living arrangement would leave us without privacy or even put a strain on our marriage, but we actually love how it’s worked out.
Having our own space and lots of alone time is a must
My mom-in-law is retired and lives in a two-story, three-bedroom house in the suburbs of Detroit.
Because she has a lot of extra space that she doesn’t use, we’ve been able to make the upstairs level our own. She likes to call it our “apartment.” The two upstairs bedrooms double as our offices, and we have a bathroom that’s just for us.
Having enough physical space is one of the biggest reasons living with my MIL has worked out so well and has not strained my relationship with my husband.
On any given day, I have my space, my husband has his, and his mom has the downstairs area to herself.
We have plenty of breathing room and privacy, so when we break for lunch or have dinner together, it’s something we genuinely look forward to — even if we’re just eating in front of the TV.
We each have our own routines and are simply sharing a home most of the time, not constantly hanging out together. It’s a very different dynamic than that of a host and houseguest who’s being entertained for a few months.
My MIL may be retired, but she still has a vibrant social life and is involved in charitable activities, so there are plenty of afternoons or evenings when she’s out doing her thing and we’re doing ours.
That said, I love that on any given day I can take my laptop downstairs and get some work done on the patio or in the dining room while she’s nearby, watching her soap operas or reading a book. Or that we can just have an impromptu tea and catch-up session about what’s going on that day.
It’s comforting to have my mom-in-law near. Even when we’re all on our own schedules, we know we’re there for one another.
We’ve naturally found our rhythm, but I know this kind of arrangement isn’t for everyone
We don’t have any official rules about cooking, cleaning, and grocery runs, so we just go with the flow.
While my MIL manages her own bedroom and bathroom downstairs, I do everyone’s laundry and keep the upstairs and common areas tidy. I also like being the “chef of the house,” as she says, so I’m the one who makes dinner.
As far as groceries and household items, I’ll pick up necessities if I’m the one going to the market and vice versa. It has become a very easy rhythm for us all, and my husband and I enjoy treating his mom when we go out to eat.
Ultimately, living with in-laws wouldn’t necessarily work for all families. Having enough space, genuinely enjoying each other’s company, and respecting each other’s routines has made all the difference.
But if everyone goes into the arrangement understanding they’re sharing a home, not just hosting or visiting, it can be one of the most rewarding ways to spend extended time together.
I know this chapter of our lives won’t last forever, which makes me even more grateful that we’ve been able to spend it this way.
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