Everyone knows the advice. Block them. Delete the thread. Go no contact. It’s cut-and-dried, it’s decisive, and according to a new survey from Dating.com, almost nobody actually does it.
The survey found that 38% of singles have rekindled or hooked up with an ex over the summer, and Google searches for “I’m still in love with my ex” have surged 362%—suggesting the gap between what people know they should do and what they actually do has never been wider. Summer doesn’t help. Longer days, less structure, more social situations where an ex might materialize—it creates exactly the conditions under which resolve evaporates into thin air.
The brain doesn’t care much about good advice. Neuroscience research has shown that viewing a photo of a former partner activates the same regions involved in drug addiction—the ventral tegmental area, the nucleus accumbens, the dopamine reward system. When these areas light up, people are intensely driven to find the love object and may spend much of the day thinking about them, according to Psychology Today. A breakup, in neurological terms, is withdrawal. The ex isn’t just a person; they’re a dopamine source the brain hasn’t fully let go of.
Why People Keep Going Back to Their Exes in the Summer
Omri Gillath, a professor of social psychology at the University of Kansas, told VICE: “People might just find out that being lonely or alone is not what they want, and they would rather go with the poison they know than a new one.” In July, that logic is easier to act on than usual—everyone around you seems to be coupled up at rooftop bars, and the alternative to texting your ex is downloading a dating app and starting over from scratch. (The Dating.com survey found that 39% of people do exactly that within a week of a breakup, with 26% downloading one within the first 24 hours—which implies a lot of people are doing both.)
Social media compounds all of it. The survey found 49% of respondents made sure an ex saw them having fun after a breakup, and 36% posted online specifically hoping an ex would see it and want them back. The “no contact” rule was designed for a world where losing touch with someone was actually possible. That world no longer exists. The door stays open now because the door can’t fully close—there’s always a story, a mutual tag, a location check-in that keeps two people technically present in each other’s lives long after the relationship ended.
The number that lands hardest from the survey: 29% of respondents said they’d take an ex back right now if asked. No effort required on the ex’s part whatsoever. Just the question. Suddenly a 362% surge in “I’m still in love with my ex” Google searches feels about right.
The post Psychologists Explain Why So Many People Hook Up With an Ex Over the Summer appeared first on VICE.
