When it comes to retirement, Maggie Mulqueen may have more inside knowledge than most people. As a psychologist, the 71-year-old has talked clients through the ups and downs of this time, heard their regrets, and learned about factors that cause some people to struggle and others to thrive.
Even with all the insight from others, Mulqueen said it’s hard to know what to expect until she gets there herself. “There are a huge number of differentiating variables at play,” she explained, noting how factors such as socioeconomic status, profession, health and relationship to work can all affect how it looks and feels to retire.
“My retirement won’t look exactly like the retirement of my clients or my friend group, or even my husband,” Mulqueen said. “I’m lucky that I feel prepared in some ways, but you can’t predict everything.”
Retirement has always varied person to person to an extent, but several modern factors have individualized it further, Mulqueen explained. For example, the ripple effects of the coronavirus pandemic and a difficult job market characterized by weak hiring and downsizing have forced many people out of the workforce early following layoffs and unsuccessful job hunts. Others are pressured to delay retirement or have needed to dig into 401(k) money sooner than anticipated if faced with spotty employment.
Yet while uncertainty and variety can complicate traditional retirement advice, there are still helpful lessons to draw from the people navigating it firsthand. Below, current and soon-to-be retirees share what they’ve learned about retirement so far, including surprising challenges and opportunities and what they wished they knew ahead of time.
It’s normal to feel like a teenager figuring it all out all over again
No matter how you feel about your work or the circumstances of your retirement, shifting from professional responsibilities to a self-directed life comes with a lot of new territory.
Donna Wiench, a 72-year-old retired nonprofit development officer and journalist in Beaverton, Oregon, likes to think of it as her second adolescence. “I’ve been tickled by the degree to which I feel a kinship with young people, because in many ways, we’re both in a place of transition in our lives where we’re figuring everything out,” she said.
And there can be a lot to untangle, especially for those whose schedules, social circles or sense of purpose and identity were closely tied to their work.
“I had to relearn what was important for my sense of self and well-being, and how to build my retirement life around that,” said Tom Del Prete, a professor and administrator in Worcester, Massachusetts, who retired four years ago at 67. That involved everything from settling into a new daily routine to reflecting on bigger questions about finding meaning and fulfillment outside of work.
It can feel overwhelming, but there’s no rush to figure it all out at once. Mulqueen recommends using early retirement, if you can, to rest and reflect on how you might like to spend your days. “Treat it like a sabbatical,” she said. “Try different routines, explore new interests, see what it’s like to structure your life by whatever you choose to prioritize.”
Maintaining your health can seem like a job in itself
Most people expect to put more time and resources into their health as they age. But many retirees may still be caught off guard by just how much time and effort it requires, from monitoring cholesterol levels to diagnosing new symptoms to staying fit enough to participate in the activities they want.
“It’s surprising how rigorous you have to be — we’re like early-era Chevys and Fords that are breaking down and need upkeep,” Wiench said, noting that staying up on her health and physical activity can feel like a job in itself.
It’s a common sentiment, and Pasadena, California-based psychologist Deborah Buckwalter said framing it that way might actually be empowering for some. “Instead of your previous job, you’re now the executive of your own medical care — that’s one way I’ve seen people take ownership and find meaning in it.”
Physical activity can also be a new source of structure and meaning at this stage in life. It’s become a steady part of Del Prete’s retirement routine. “Early-morning fitness activity keeps me awake to the gift of being alive, even if it reminds me of my aging body,” he said.
For Wiench, solo long-distance hiking has been a way to stay in shape, appreciate Earth’s natural beauty and reflect on health’s close cousin, mortality. “It’s useful to learn to do things alone and enjoy my own company,” she said. “Because at some point, my husband or loved ones may pass before I do, and I won’t have a choice.”
There are more paths to fun, community and growth than you’d think
Physical activity isn’t the only important part of wellness in retirement. “We must stay socially and cognitively engaged as we age,” Buckwalter said. A big part of that for her has been picking up bass guitar and joining a rock band with her husband and close friends. Now 73, she played her first show on her 50th birthday.
Del Prete, too, emphasized the value of nurturing a sense of purpose and meaning. “For me, that meant in part exercising my intellectual self,” he said. To his surprise, that led to writing a memoir, which doubled as more opportunity for reflection on his life. “I now make sure I have a project or two that I look forward to working on.”
Meanwhile, Wiench leaned into variety. She has taken classes including boxing, poetry and geography, often through tuition-free audit programs for seniors in her area. And she has found diverse volunteer opportunities, including reading with children, growing vegetables in a community garden for the local food pantry and ferrying threatened species of frogs across the highway to safety.
Each new endeavor, Wiench said, has been a source of community, which she knows is an essential part of wellness in retirement that many find intimidating. “If you put yourself in environments where you can meet people and you’re open and receptive to chatting, it’s not as hard to make new friends as you might expect.”
There’s not always a clearly defined ‘before’ and ‘after’
Buckwalter had to reimagine retirement after a few of life’s curveballs. In addition to her career as a psychologist, she had always been a care partner to her husband of 30 years, who was paralyzed from the chest down after suffering a spinal cord injury before they met. But his health took a turn in her late 60s, and he needed more support. They decided she would start easing into retirement so she could focus on caregiving.
So far, that has meant Buckwalter keeping “one foot in the professional world and a leg and an arm at home,” off-loading certain responsibilities and shifting toward consulting. “This is probably the form of retirement that I’m going to be staying in until life changes again — this combination of some work and a lot of devotion to my partner and our lives.”
Flexibility has been key in making the unexpected path work, Buckwalter said. According to Mulqueen, an adaptable mindset is important throughout this era of life.
“Retirement is too big a stage of life to be just one thing,” Mulqueen said. “Your early, middle and late retirement could all look drastically different.”
Difficult feelings can be a necessary — and healing — part of the process
Many challenges that come with retirement are internal, quiet ones — and they’re not always easy to talk about because of shame, fear or the expectation that you should simply feel grateful that you can retire at all.
“There is a certain level of grief to face,” Mulqueen said. “We can all kid ourselves, but we’re getting older and retirement signifies entering a final stage of life.” Some people are tempted to deny that reality, she noted, burying feelings by keeping busy or numbing out. “It can be hard to make peace with the fact that certain dreams or expectations didn’t come to pass.”
But allowing space for uncomfortable feelings can be an important part of a healthy retirement. For Buckwalter, working through her own disappointments and what ifs? about the trajectory of her career and retirement was key to moving on to acceptance.
“It’s a powerful mindset shift,” she said. “I ended up taking ownership by saying, ‘I didn’t choose this path to start, but I’m choosing it now. So what are the choices that I can make, with all of my wisdom and experience, so that I can live my most vital life possible?’”
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