Queening has been around since ancient Rome, appeared in the Kama Sutra, was depicted in 19th-century French paintings, and has been a fixture of BDSM communities for decades. It’s having a moment right now, and it’s hard to argue with the reasoning.
Also called facesitting, queening involves a woman sitting over her partner’s face for oral stimulation, with her in control of pace, pressure, and positioning. According to sex therapist Dr. Kate Balestrieri, the appeal for women lies largely in agency. “For women, queer folks, and others in marginalized bodies, assuming physical and psychological dominance can challenge societal narratives, which may otherwise stigmatize them for seeking out pleasure or asserting their presence,” she writes at Modern Intimacy. The position puts female pleasure at the center in a way that most sex acts don’t, and women have noticed.
The numbers reflect that. Ethical porn site Sssh.com, which has a 76% female audience, reports that facesitting is its most requested act. “The facesitting they want isn’t necessarily BDSM-specific or about serving a ‘mistress,’” founder Angie Rowntree told Metro, “but more about expressing adoration of her body and emphasizing her pleasure.” According to PornHub Insights data, women are 34% more likely than men to search for facesitting on the platform.
Why Queening Is Becoming One of the Most Popular Sex Positions for Women
Women on Reddit who love the position are refreshingly candid about why. “It’s the easiest position for me to have an orgasm,” wrote one, adding that the only interruption was the occasional intrusive thought about accidentally crushing her partner. Another described nearly breaking her husband’s nose mid-session, calling it a “workplace hazard.” Men on the thread were equally enthusiastic, with one describing the view from below as “magnificent” and another appreciating the full sensory experience.
There’s a practical reason women keep coming back to this position. Facesitting provides direct clitoral stimulation in a way penetrative sex almost never does, which is why it produces orgasms more reliably. “Dominants exert sensory control over rhythm, pressure, and breath, crafting an intoxicating sense of embodiment and authority,” Dr. Balestrieri writes at Modern Intimacy. The physical and psychological elements are working together.
There are safety considerations, though. Sex expert Gigi Engle told Metro that the key is hovering rather than full sitting—nobody wants to actually suffocate their partner. Lovehoney sex expert Annabelle Knight recommends agreeing on a safe word or physical signal, like a double hand pat, before anyone takes a seat. Dr. Balestrieri adds that proper breathing and positioning are essential, specifically avoiding prolonged pressure on the trachea and keeping communication open throughout.
The position predates the internet by several centuries. What’s different now is who’s asking for it and how loudly.
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