So many men (and women, depending on the relationship) will say their wife left them “out of nowhere,” but many times, that’s not actually the case. Many people plan their escape for years before finally finding the courage to walk away. In the process, they usually try to mend the situation or address their unmet needs, but to no avail.
In fact, there’s even a name for this pattern—the walkaway wife syndrome—and it’s fueled by consistent emotional neglect.
What Is ‘Walkaway Wife Syndrome’?
Walkaway wife syndrome is a pattern where a wife emotionally withdraws from her marriage and plans her exit, sometimes years before finally walking away. This is often a result of unmet needs or unheard concerns.
“Walkaway wife syndrome is a bit of a misnomer, because while the partner that is left often feels like ‘it came out of nowhere,’ upon further exploration—that is rarely the case,” Michela Stevenson, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, told VICE. “When I see these situations in practice, a wife (or husband—it doesn’t necessarily have to be gender specific as I have seen it happen both ways) gradually disengages from the relationship after a long period of time voicing their dissatisfaction, disappointments and unmet needs within the relationship—only to have them repeatedly dismissed, ignored, or met with brief change before going back to the status quo.”
Naturally, resentment builds and apathy stews, which can damage even the healthiest of connections.
“After a certain point, the anger that comes along with these missed bids for connection turns to apathy, and once apathy is present in a relationship, it usually means one person already has a proverbial ‘foot out the door,’ and there is little hope for a relationship,” Stevenson explains.
What Drives the Walkaway Wife Syndrome?
According to Stevenson, there are a host of reasons why someone might develop walkaway wife syndrome, ranging from unspoken relationship “rules” or expectations to more obvious signals, which might have gone ignored.
“The complex unspoken factors come from ideas around gender roles, experiences in one’s family of origin, living in a patriarchal society, etc.,” she explains. “The observable cues come from instances where someone has spoken up about their unhappiness, and because it was more convenient for the other person to not want to change things within the relational dynamic, they consciously or subconsciously ignored it. Either way, resentment, anger, and eventually apathy result.”
By that time, the damage is often too great to recover from.
Signs It’s happening to you
When it comes to walkaway wife syndrome, there are many red flags to look out for, from frustration and resentment to emotional and physical withdrawal. While you might assume anger is the worst cue, apathy actually takes the cake. Once someone reaches this phase, it’s hard to recover.
“Getting to this point can be avoided if you can take your partner’s behavior or comments (i.e., you notice passive aggressiveness, they say something is bothering them) and actually reflect on whether or not they have a point,” says Stevenson. “Even if you don’t see things the same way, resist the urge to be defensive and hear them out—if they’re upset, something is probably bothering them.”
The post ‘Walkaway Wife Syndrome,’ Explained by a Relationship Expert (and How to Know If It’s Happening to You) appeared first on VICE.
