I used to say that I wouldn’t want to date someone who lives with their parents or with roommates. But with the current cost-of-living crisis, who can blame them?
Actor Callum Turner echoed this sentiment when he was asked whether it’s a red flag for someone with a full-time job to live with their parents. “In this economy? That’s fine!” he said. Monica Barbaro, his co-star in the film One Night Only, added that every millennial had to go back home after college to live with their parents.
The only people I know who can afford to live by themselves are people who inherited money or property. I remember dating a guy in my early 20s who lived with his parents. We spent time at my flat or booked an Airbnb or a hotel, which was exhausting and annoying. When we broke up, I said, “Never again!” But with the current economy, I now hesitate to rule out a dating match just because he lives at home or with three flatmates.
In major cities like New York or London, the cost of living turns dating into a class issue. More than a quarter of Londoners live in poverty. Meanwhile, financial pressures are equally apparent across the Atlantic. Half of working-age New Yorkers are struggling to cover their basic needs. These challenges inevitably impact when, who, and how we date.
For instance, on social media, women are being advised not to go on coffee dates because they are low-effort. And while I understand the desire to feel like the person you are on a date with is invested in your connection, I fear the cost-of-living crisis can cause us to conflate cost with effort. On one hand, I agree that men who ask me out on a coffee date may be pursuing doing coffee dates with multiple women in the same week because it’s affordable, which automatically doesn’t make me feel special. On the other hand, it’s a quick way to gauge compatibility and invest accordingly, which is understandable.
The average date costs Americans $189, according to the BMO Real Financial Progress Index for 2026. Nearly three in four men, 71%, said they expect to pay for everything on a date early on in a relationship. Among women, 52% said they expect to split the bill. Despite this majority, when actor Robert Pattinson recently said that he agrees that you should always split the check on a date, there was outrage in the comments section. People declared that it was a huge red flag, especially coming from a millionnaire.
Psychotherapist Lisa Chen, who specializes in relationships, believes that the cost-of-living crisis has changed how people think about commitment. “Especially with my Gen Z clients, I’m seeing how economic uncertainty contributes to a declining interest in seeking committed relationships, especially when traditional milestones like renting a place together or owning a home isn’t realistic,” Chen says.
Many of Chen’s clients have become interested in keeping relationships fluid, undefined, and flexible while they try to find jobs and build financial security. Rather than dating in a traditional sense, she said, her clients are often “seeking companionship through situationships and friendships. It’s not that they’re not interested in pursuing conventional long-term relationships; they’re just pushing it out.”
According to a survey by Intuit, 51% of Americans are going on fewer dates due to today’s economy, and Gen Z is hit the hardest. Chen tells me that traditional milestones like living independently, homeownership, or financial stability are not on the table. “Most of my clients, especially recent graduates, are trying to find employment in a difficult market,” she says, adding that the rise of AI has made it even harder for Gen Z, as their entry-level jobs have been disproportionately impacted by the technology.
These shifting expectations came into sharper focus for me in an unexpected conversation with a stranger. A woman I met at the airport last week said that she worries about her grown sons because a lot is expected out of men nowadays in terms of dating. I assured her that I wouldn’t expect anything out of a man that I am not already doing for myself.
I live with a flatmate, so I would never reject a man if he lived with a flatmate. But am I allowed to see it as a red flag if he is living at home with parents? Similarly, I wouldn’t be angry if someone asked me out for coffee. But am I allowed to feel unimpressed, especially when I take myself out on solo dinner dates regularly?
In the modern dating landscape, the true differentiator is ambition, which is a reasonable thing to consider while determining whether this is a good match for you, and remains a reliable marker of compatibility, says dating coach Mila Smith. “Living with parents to save money for a deposit is one thing,” she explains. “Living with parents and spending all your money on hobbies, clothes, or gaming is a different story.”
Surprisingly, credit scores are also now part of how people evaluate potential partners. According to a survey by the dating app Hily, 1 in 5 daters wouldn’t date someone with a score below 580, and 31% say an excellent credit score makes someone more attractive. Another Hily survey found that 44% of Millennials and 37% of Gen Z believe being frugal is sexy.
Perhaps that’s the real shift that the cost of living crisis is demanding from us. Dating standards can exist, but they do need to be updated for an economy in which traditional markers of adulthood have become unattainable. Living alone or picking up every dinner bill are no longer reliable proxies for ambition.
I am not saying we should ignore financial responsibility. It’s still reasonable to want a partner who is working towards a future. But there is a meaningful difference between someone who is making pragmatic decisions in an impossible economy, and someone who lacks direction altogether.
Maybe it’s time to question whether all those dating red flags were actually always about class. In a time where economic uncertainty defines nearly every aspect of adult life, the prize might be finding someone whose values and resilience can help you weather the economic winds together.
The post The Cost-of-Living Crisis Is Rewriting the Rules of Dating appeared first on TIME.
