One of the worst first date experiences is showing up and immediately knowing you and the other person are not a match. Sometimes it’s intuitive; other times, it’s revealed through conversations, where you learn about mismatched values or pick up on off-putting energy.
“One of the biggest myths about terminating a bad date is the idea that one needs to spend several hours of time in the company of another person just because the person has paid for the dinner and agreed to go out with you. One should not,” says Brie Temple, COO & Chief Matchmaker at Tawkify. “Respecting the feelings of another person does not mean ignoring the needs of oneself. One can be brutally honest with the least possibility of hurting anyone’s feelings by dragging the date unnecessarily long if the chances of it working out seem very slim.”
Still, prematurely ending a date can feel rude, awkward, and even a bit risky, depending on the context. Here are three expert ways to end a bad date with grace and empathy.
1. Be Direct
The best (and kindest) way to end a bad date is by simply being honest, ensuring there’s no room for mixed signals. Directness does not equate to rudeness, especially when you communicate with compassion and respect.
“Saying that one has enjoyed meeting another person but needs to leave because he/she has an early start tomorrow would give one the chance to gracefully terminate the conversation without hurting the feelings of the interlocutor,” Temple says. “It is also perfectly fine if one already knows in advance that the date has no romantic potential at all and leaves right away and sends a nice message later on.”
Of course, you don’t want to simply walk out on your date without an explanation (unless you feel threatened or disrespected), so it’s always best to be upfront before heading out.
2. Seek a Natural ‘Out’
Temple also recommends using the natural flow of conversation to leave when appropriate.
“It happens quite often that people are thinking too much of how to gracefully terminate the conversation,” she points out. “In fact, leaving right away without being ashamed or embarrassed will leave the best possible impression.”
Of course, this does not pertain to uncomfortable or potentially dangerous interactions. If you’re getting a bad gut feeling, leave immediately without the fear of being “rude.”
“If the conversation reaches the point where it makes one uncomfortable, such as if one feels threatened or disrespected or anything of the kind, one can leave right away saying just that he/she has to leave without elaborating on why,” Temple states.
3. Don’t Force Chemistry
If you’re not feeling it, don’t pretend you are—and more importantly, don’t try to force it. This will only confuse your date and lead to a more awkward or delayed departure.
“One must understand that it is not necessary to try to manufacture chemistry in order not to let down another person’s hopes. One does not need to pass the date and show the person how perfect they would be together—that is not what a first date is for,” Temple says. “Terminating a date if the person understands that the connection is nonexistent would be a sign of respect towards the interlocutor.”
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