You’ve likely heard Ariana Grande’s hit song “thank you, next,” which expresses gratitude to past lovers while highlighting the personal growth you’ve made as a result of the relationship. Now, modern daters are turning this concept into a therapist-approved dating trend called “grande-ing.”
What Is ‘Grande-ing’?
We all know these dating trends are getting a bit out of hand. That said, this approach is wholesome and helpful. However, it’s less about “dating” and more about handling breakups with a positive attitude.
Grande-ing involves practicing gratitude for your ex—or at least for the lessons you learned in your relationship with them—while celebrating your own growth and healing. Rather than simmering in your pain for too long, you recognize that the relationship wasn’t a match, yet served a purpose in your life. Going forward, you can choose better for yourself and show up more authentically in your next connection.
“Grande-ing is a positive, public way of expressing gratitude and the life lessons you learned from your past relationships,” says Dr. Karen Stewart, Psy.D, Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Sex Therapist & Relationship Expert. “This concept spins everything that happened in your past relationships, for good or for bad, into a positive life lesson. For instance, if you were ghosted by your past lover, this can be positively thought of as ‘I dodged a bullet’ from a bad relationship, or ‘This person wasn’t for me anyway. I will slow down in my next relationship.’”
Grande-ing can help modern daters move through their breakups with grace, gratitude, and hope for the future.
“Grande-ing can be an excellent way of evolving yourself psychologically for your next dating experience, to focus on what you want and what you need from your relationship, and what kind of partner you truly are desiring,” says Stewart.
How to Turn Grief Into Gratitude
Following a breakup, we often cycle through different emotions, from anger and bitterness to sadness and anxiety. Grande-ing doesn’t involve repressing or rejecting your feelings, but rather fully experiencing and processing them, so you can finally release them. That’s how you learn, heal, and grow.
“Turning bitterness into gratitude does not mean pretending the breakup did not hurt or that you are not experiencing true anger. Anger is a normal part of the loss process,” says Stewart. “The goal is to allow yourself to feel those emotions while also reflecting on what the relationship has taught you.”
She recommends asking yourself what you learned about your relationship needs, boundaries, communication style, and patterns. That way, you can show up better in your next relationship, carrying these lessons with you.
“It is also important to examine the relationship from both perspectives, honestly. Were your goals for the future aligned? Were expectations from both sides clearly communicated?” Stewart asks. “Disappointment comes from the future dreams or expectations rather than the relationship that actually existed. This can give you amazing insight into your next relationship.”
“When we can openly and honestly experience both the pain and the lessons we learned, we are more likely to leave our past relationship with a growth-minded perspective than the anger and bitterness we also may feel,” Stewart concludes.
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