A few weeks ago, a comedy film came out with a tired and unfunny premise: In “The Breadwinner,” a dad stays home to care for his three children while their mom goes to work. Hilarity ensues, right? In 2026, it shouldn’t.
We are asked to laugh at a man who doesn’t know the way to his own kids’ schools. A dad this absent isn’t goofy; he’s a stranger. In the family’s kitchen, a dry-erase board lists the family’s daily activities, prompting the dad character to ask, “How long is the list?” — as if he had just noticed the board for the first time. It didn’t make me laugh. It bothered me. Popular media still tells men that showing up at home is optional.
My father, whom I called Papajee, worked a government job in Delhi while my mom took care of three boys full time. In the evenings and on weekends, Papajee would sit on the floor in front of the TV and peel onions, cut cauliflower or pick apart spinach leaves. He walked me to the bus stop every morning for school — but only after polishing my shoes and ironing my clothes. He showed up. Daily. I felt his presence. Daily.
We need to stop framing a man’s presence in the home as a sacrifice or a comedic trope. My disappointment and frustration with this “clueless male” trope isn’t just about the media representation. It’s personal. When I first moved to the U.S. for work, I called my mother on Skype to show her a chicken curry I had made from scratch. Instead of praising this triumph, my mother cried. She was unhappy that her son had to cook for himself. It’s not just an American thing: There’s a persistent global myth that men should remain functionally helpless at home.
When my parents later came to visit me, I had an argument with my mom because I wouldn’t let her wash the dishes after dinner. I knew that she wanted to wash the dishes not because she was a grateful guest and not because she wanted to fairly divide the duties of cooking and cleaning, but because she is a woman and I am a man. Had I been her daughter instead of her son, I suspect she would have let me play host(ess) and wash the dishes without comment. I refused to follow that gendered script in my own home.
In many cultures, male domestic helplessness has been treated, weirdly, as a sign of masculinity. Shouldn’t general competence be the mark of adulthood, regardless of gender? It’s not manly to not know where the fresh towels are; it’s lazy and embarrassing.
Sure, sometimes I miss my turn to clean the kitty litter or forget to take the garbage out before the trash pickup. But I won’t let it become a habit. That would unfairly foist the responsibilities onto my girlfriend.
A few decades ago, showing the clueless male on screen perpetuated an imbalance that existed in most homes. To show the clueless male today is even worse, impressing a rejected old unjust model on generations that ought to be moving past it. This disrespects the legacy of men like my father who made that progress — men who did everything they could without making a fuss about it.
We can and should reframe how our culture’s stories portray men in 2026. Normalizing the domestic man isn’t just a gift for the women in the family; it’s the only way for men to be present for their own lives. It has long been observed that some men are, out of laziness, intentionally or subconsciously pretending to be clueless — what’s known as weaponized incompetence. Men should not consider that to be an option. Our conditioning must change.
I may have lost Papajee in 2021, but I’ll never lose his invaluable lessons on manhood. He made it look effortless. And really, guys: It’s not that hard.
Mayur Chauhan is an actor, writer and creativity coach in Los Angeles.
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