There is a particular dread reserved for a wedding invitation with a complicated dress code. Garden formal. Coastal cocktail. Festive black tie. The request often feels less like guidance and more like a pop quiz, but for Jenna Lyons, it’s an invitation within the invitation.
Lyons, 57, a former J. Crew president and a founder of LoveSeen, a fake-eyelash company, is, by her own description, a guest who gets excited about the assignment. In fact, the more specific the directive, the happier she is to play.
But she argues that being a well-dressed wedding guest is not about money or maximalism. It’s about creating a look that hangs well together: the dress, the shoes, the hair, the bag and the tailoring. And the fastest way to get it wrong, she said, is to treat a wedding like a workday.
And while there are both glamorous and unglamorous elements to being a great wedding guest, Lyons, who is partnering with ThredUp on a 100-piece edit of consignment pieces aimed at wedding guests, insisted that most people aren’t underdressed. They’re just scared. As peak wedding season begins, she’s here to help.
This interview has been lightly edited and condensed.
Wedding dress codes can be wildly particular. Do these instructions help anyone or just create anxiety?
There are people who love to dress up and love a theme, and there are people who just do not care and don’t play along. It has zero to do with whether there’s an actual dress code. I’m someone who really loves a dress code. It gives me inspiration and something interesting to do.
What’s the first thing you do when you find out there’s a dress code?
I love an excuse to buy something new. I feel like at some point, in a previous life, I was a peacock or a bowerbird. I want to bring it. There’s no shame in going into your closet, but that’s just not me. I want to have a new experience.
What’s changed about weddings over your time as a guest?
At my age, I’m going to weddings for people who are a little older, so it’s usually a second wedding, and oftentimes, a destination wedding, which changes the dress code dramatically and changes the number of events you go to. Half the people change into their dance outfits post-ceremony.
Guests are changing into post-ceremony dance outfits?
At least in my group, people are having very over-the-top, formal, fancy weddings, and then for dancing, they want to rethink it. They don’t want to be as constricted. I wore a gold feather jacket to a wedding I went to, and I’m not dancing in that.
Do traditional rules like “don’t wear white” and “don’t upstage the bride” still hold?
It depends on the person, and it could be two grooms. I’ve seen people on Instagram or TikTok say they want guests to look their absolute best and not worry about upstaging. If you’re going to someone’s wedding and you know they’re more understated, you don’t need to wear a crystal-dripping dress down to your navel.
Consider your audience, the location, the vibe, the people.
Tell me about an outfit you wore as a wedding guest that you still think about.
The one that gets the most attention is the outfit I wore to Solange Knowles’s wedding. I wore a white feather skirt and a little white button-down shirt. She asked everyone to wear white. I obviously wouldn’t have done that had we not been directed to. The pictures are stunning. The whole church was a sea of people in white, including the bride and groom.
What’s something you would never wear to a wedding?
Something super revealing is not my game. If I were 26, maybe. If your friends want you to bring it out, I don’t care, but that’s for a bachelorette party as far as I’m concerned.
If someone has several weddings to attend in one summer on a small budget, how can they avoid looking like they’re wearing the same thing four times? Does anyone even notice?
I don’t think it matters if anyone else notices. It matters how you feel. When I first started talking to ThredUp, I could not believe how many dresses were available. So much of the stress is about money, even for me. I want to have fun, try different things and not look the same every night.
Tell me about a wedding guest behavior you can’t stand.
When I see people in a day dress and casual shoes or an outfit that looks like it came from work, no bueno. It really drives me crazy. And it’s not about spending money. It’s about putting in the effort and looking like you tried, like you actually understand that this is a wedding, not an office day.
Where do people go wrong?
You can wear a simple slip dress with your hair pulled back, the most beautiful heels, a little sparkly bag, and your makeup pulled together. Or you can wear that same slip dress with boring sandals, let your hair look like you just left the office, and pair it with a day bag, and all of a sudden, it doesn’t have the same impact.
Are there any style rules you swear by?
If you’re wearing drop earrings, no necklace. If you’re wearing a big necklace, no earrings. If you’re wearing a red lip, no eye makeup. If you’re wearing eye makeup, no red lip. It’s more elegant that way.
And think about who you’re going to the wedding with and what you two will look like together. Don’t have your boyfriend wear a seersucker suit if you’re wearing a black gown. There should be some kind of connection between the two of you so that when you take pictures together, you look like you came together.
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