Florida continues to Florida. Dissatisfied with the AP U.S. History curriculum (too woke), the state is trying to provide—as Kellyanne Conway used to say—alternative facts.
I have some authority to speak on this issue because I wrote an entire book of bad, inaccurate AP U.S. History, so I know the kind of work that goes into this sort of thing. Who knew that this would be such an in-demand skill?
I have gone ahead and made a final exam inspired by this course framework, which you can read here if you want to see for yourself. Good luck!
1) Tell me a surprising fact about the Declaration of Independence!
a. If you go step by step through the Declaration of Independence, you will be stunned to discover that it is essentially ripped from the Holy Bible. “All men are created” is actually a thing that happens in Genesis. “All men’s” name was Adam! Eve was his wife. b. You know how the Declaration is a covenant? You know where else there are covenants? That’s right: the Bible! Read Deuteronomy.
2) Tell me about Christopher Columbus.
a. I would love to. He was an explorer and entrepreneur who brought a “sense of mystery and wonder” to the New World. b. Perfect body shape for a statue. c. Didn’t he— d. No.
3) Were any women involved in U.S. history before the Seneca Falls Convention?
a. Not to my knowledge. b. George Washington must have had a mother? c. Does Queen Elizabeth I of England or Isabella I of Castile count? 4) How long can you go before mentioning slavery?
a. Just watch me! b. Did you mean “indentured servitude”?
5) Describe the Founding.
a. One night George Washington used an enormous cherrystone for a pillow and he had a curious dream where he wrestled at length with an angel (the angel was super buff), and then he woke up holding the Constitution clutched in one hand and a Bible in the other. I believe John McNaughton painted this. b. Samuel Alito was there and saw it all, and he was so excited that he rushed outside to hang his flag—upside up this time.
6) Discuss slavery.
a. Rather not.
7) Talk about Andrew Jackson.
a. The election of 1824 was stolen from him by the evil John Quincy Adams (boo), but he won the next election that wasn’t stolen. b. He was a populist—a great, wonderful thing to be. c. He was involved in the Trail of Tears, which showed the limits of judicial power.
8) Is that what the Trail of Tears showed?
a. Did you have something else in mind?
9) Who are some important figures from the Civil War?
a. The gallant hero and brilliant tactician, Robert E. Lee b. His gifted, speedy and pious lieutenant, Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson (the only Stonewall you’ll see mentioned in this document) c. Ulysses Grant, but only begrudgingly d. Sherman (Boooooo)
10) Describe Reconstruction.
a. A horrible ordeal that we couldn’t pass through soon enough. b. Big mistake.
11) Who was probably the villain of the Great Depression? a. Franklin Delano Roosevelt. b. Anyone who wanted to increase taxes, the surest prosperity-killer. (Hero Andrew Mellon agrees!)
12) Talk about the Laffer curve.
a. You know we love the Laffer curve!
13) Describe Joseph McCarthy.
a. A man vindicated by history! There were Communists everywhere, actually, and he was right to see it. b. The man who presided over the “so-called ‘Red Scare.’”Z c. Good friend of Roy Cohn, the mentor of the greatest American president to date. d. All of the above.
14) Talk about the civil-rights movement.
a. On the one hand, it involved the federal government in the private business of the states. b. On the other hand, it was an encroachment on state prerogatives.
15) What was Roe v. Wade? a. A terrible encroachment on states’ right to choose. b. Fortunately overturned by the Roberts court in 2022
16) Anything to add?
a. Prayer in public school was actually very normal for a long time, and more people should remember that!
Answers: We are all less informed for having taken this test.
The post I Have Some Questions for the New Florida U.S. History Curriculum appeared first on The Atlantic.
