Growing up in conservative circles, marriage felt like a foregone conclusion. It was a life stage everyone participated in, like starting a career or having children. I was a late bloomer; I didn’t even date until after college. Many of my peers had gotten married in their early 20s, while I was playing catch-up.
It felt like being married was fully ‘adulting,’ and a wedding ring was almost a status symbol. Being single made me feel less than. So early on in my marriage, I was happy (and honestly, almost relieved) when looking at my rings, knowing that someone loved me enough to commit to life with me. But for the last seven years — the majority of my marriage — I actually haven’t worn them at all.
I first stopped wearing my rings because I had to
A few years into my marriage, I got pregnant with my daughter, and my body began to change. In later pregnancy, my rings started to get snug as my fingers swelled, and I was afraid that one day I wouldn’t be able to get them off and on anymore. So they got put away for the duration of my pregnancy.
This was the time period when I got the most questions from family members about where my rings were. They seemed to be concerned that strangers might think that I was pregnant and unmarried.
After my daughter was born, the rings fit again, and I returned to wearing them. But then I gained some weight, and they began to feel snug again. I put them away in my jewelry box with the thought that once I lost weight, I’d be able to wear them again.
The rings weren’t as important to me anymore
Then years passed. After losing some weight, I tried them on again, and they still didn’t fit. And while I’ve been thinking about getting them resized for probably two years now, I still haven’t gotten around to it. There’s really no deeper meaning to it. It isn’t a reflection of my marriage’s health or of how I feel about my husband.
While others might feel that wearing a wedding ring is a symbol of commitment, to me, it’s always felt more about the people outside your marriage. I don’t feel like I need an outward signal to others that I’m married, nor do I really care as much about what others think about me or my marriage.
My choice not to wear a wedding ring wasn’t the only thing that some family members and friends were critical of, though. Since we’ve distanced ourselves from a lot of these more conservative (and frankly judgmental) people and made new friends, I haven’t gotten any comments on it.
While my husband is unbothered that I don’t wear my wedding ring, he still wears his because it is meaningful to him. He even has a silicon ring that he wears when playing rec sports. He thinks it should be a personal choice, rather than an obligation.
I still might get my rings resized in the future and start to wear them again. But it will be because I want to, not because it’s something that’s expected.
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