April is National Stress Awareness Month, and intimacy experts are highlighting the impacts of stress on sexual health.
It’s no shock that stress impacts our libido—regardless of your gender or sex. When stuck in survival mode, many people struggle to feel aroused. Even if you’re craving closeness, your body might not cooperate. For example, men often suffer from stress-induced erectile dysfunction.
Wondering how, exactly, stress impacts our desire and ability to have sex? We spoke with a sex and relationship coach to explore ways to break the “sex stress” cycle.
How Stress Impacts Arousal
As mentioned above, stress can wreak havoc on our bodies. When your body isn’t cooperating with you, it isn’t in the best place for arousal.
Specifically, stress can cause cortisol spikes and other hormonal disruptions, which can then suppress the Sexual Excitement System and trigger the Sexual Inhibition System, explains Gemma Nice, sex and relationship coach at condoms.uk.
“Even when you mentally want sex, your body may freeze,” she says. “It’s not a failure. It’s your biology doing its job.”
Nice explains that stress can direct blood to the heart, lungs, and brain rather than the genitals. In men, this often impacts their ability to “get it up.”
“Men often feel pressure to ‘perform,’” she says. “If your body is in fight-or-flight mode, desire alone isn’t enough—your nervous system literally prioritizes survival over sexual function.”
You don’t need to be enduring a challenging time or period of transition to experience these changes, either. Oftentimes, everyday stress is the culprit.
“Work, parenting, and household responsibilities can leave men exhausted and disconnected from their bodies,” says Nice. “The pressure to perform can actually make anxiety worse, which tightens the ‘brakes’ even further.”
Breaking the ‘Sex Stress’ Cycle
For anyone, regardless of gender, one of the most important tips is to eliminate the pressure to perform. Often, we get so trapped in our partner’s (or our own!) expectations of us that we aren’t actually present. In which case, it’s important to discuss your insecurities with your partner to quiet the noise.
Additionally, find simple, low-pressure ways to connect through intimacy. This might look like a gentle touch, eye contact, or even a long hug to calm the nervous system. Safety is a crucial element of arousal.
“Desire isn’t something you make happen—it’s something you allow once the body feels safe,” Nice explains. “Pressure creates performance. Safety creates connection.”
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