From the time my son was small, I took time to complete our household chores with him.
We are a household that believes everyone in the home should do their share of work and contribute fairly.
My husband would work with our son on the tasks that populated his list, and on Saturday mornings, my son and I would run through my own to-dos side by side. I would help my kid dust and vacuum, put his things away, and fold his clothes. He would stand on a stool and wipe down his bathroom counter or help with the dishes and cooking.
As he grew, so did his list of responsibilities. By the time he was 8, he was sorting his laundry and watching as I taught him how to measure the soap, adjust the water level and temperature, and hang everything except his towels, sheets, and whites on our drying racks. It was the start of something important.
I laid a foundation early on
I often walked him through the steps: “Don’t forget to turn it to hot, but only for this load,” “Did you remember the laundry soap, did you measure?” and “If you hang your clothes straighter on the drying rack, they won’t have so many wrinkles when you pull them down to fold them.”
We went over cleaning the lint trap and putting away the loads as they were dry, folding socks and T-shirts as we talked.
When he turned 9, our bodies switched places, and I provided over-the-shoulder encouragement as he took on the cleaning task himself. I took a permanent marker, noting settings for loads of colors and loads of whites. I did the same on the dryer, marking time and temperature for those reminders when he no longer wanted me hovering behind, but still wasn’t sure about flying solo.
By the time he turned 10, I was completely hands off, but nearby if there was ever a question he needed to ask, be it steps he second-guessed or a new stain he hadn’t encountered before.
Teaching him young helped in his teenage years
When high school and part-time jobs came around, it was a relief not to hear the common-moms complaint of dirty uniforms not washed in time or favorite jeans not being clean when needed.
By then, I had been hands-off for half a decade, never once wincing at the state of cleanliness my teenager exhibited.
There was freedom behind my common refrain: “I’m not your maid!” being echoed throughout our home from the time he was small.
It’s a refrain I’m hoping is stuck, making a future transition into being an equal partner less fraught with uncertainty and smoothing any bumps along the way.
It all paid off in the end
After about a year of being a young adult, out of the house, and on his own, we were talking on a video call when he gently complained about his college friends.
“Mom,” he said. “I had to teach them. It’s like they’ve never had to do anything to keep a house before.”
I didn’t even try to hide my smile; I wasn’t surprised either.
I may have fumbled at least as often as I won at parenting, but this? This was the payoff. This was the ability to sleep knowing he could take care of himself. This was the reminder of why I sacrificed time and energy. This was the very reason I painfully taught him, even when it would have been easier to do it myself. This was the very reason I had permanent marker reminders on the machines and lived with them until the machines needed to be replaced.
There is a lot said about nearly every aspect of parenting. I wanted to make sure I was on the best side — at least where our laundry was concerned.
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