If you scroll on TikTok for just a few minutes, you’ll likely come across at least one person spilling the tea about their breakup. Some might say that “oversharing” to the entire world can be cathartic.
“When people overshare their emotional pain, be it online or in person with a friend, they’re trying to regulate their nervous system and make sense of what happened,” says Charisse Cooke, psychotherapist and relationship expert at dating app Flirtini.
Oversharing is often viewed as a negative response to trauma, but it can actually be quite healing. Here are six ways oversharing can support you through your breakup.
1. It Engages Narrative Processing
Part of healing through a breakup is processing it in the first place. Many people try to repress their feelings and distract themselves with new people or experiences so they can move on. However, this only helps for so long before you’re forced to face the truth.
Talking about your relationship and breakup can help you make sense of it before closing that chapter completely.
“Speaking about distress activates the prefrontal cortex, which helps integrate emotion and memory,” says Cooke.
2. It Regulates the Stress Response
Cortisol—the stress hormone—naturally rises when we’re in distress, which is common post-breakup. However, oversharing might actually help channel and release that stress in a positive way.
“Expressive writing, for example, has been shown to lower heart rate and blood pressure,” Cooke notes. “Public posting can be as self-soothing, especially for people who struggle to process emotions internally.”
The more you release your pain—without dwelling on it—the sooner you’ll likely heal from it.
3. It Helps You Co-Regulate Through Empathy
Sometimes, journaling just isn’t enough—we need our people.
Oversharing often opens you up to connection, allowing you to receive the empathy and support needed to get you through the difficult time.
“Human beings regulate emotions through connection,” Cooke explains. “Digital empathy and parasocial relationships can mimic that effect. Supportive feedback helps calm the nervous system.”
When we expose our truths to a supportive community, our pain becomes shared, and in turn, it tends to lessen.
4. It Reduces Shame
After a breakup, it’s common to fall into shame spirals, blaming ourselves for any way we contributed to the demise of the relationship and wondering what we could’ve done differently. However, talking about these regrets can help reduce the shame—especially when we’re met with acceptance and empathy.
“Shame loses power when it’s brought into the open,” Cooke says. “Oversharing is often an unconscious attempt to test whether we [will] still be accepted just as we are. When the answer is yes, the brain rewires its response to vulnerability.”
5. It Reclaims Autonomy
Traumatic events like breakups can be disempowering. You might feel a loss of control or lack of autonomy in your life, especially if you weren’t the one to end the relationship. By sharing your story, you get to take back your power and own your experiences.
“Sharing allows individuals to author their own narrative,” Cooke says. “That sense of control is so important for recovery, more than you imagine.”
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