Billboard recently dropped a ranked list of the Top 25 Halloween songs based on where they landed on the Hot 100 chart when they were released. This list has nothing at all to do with the quality of a song or its actual relation to Halloween as a holiday. It’s data and analytics-driven, simple as that. So, of course, I’ve taken it upon myself to rank their rankings, because I’ve found that I don’t like where almost anything appears on the list. Enjoy, or sorry if you don’t agree.
“Witchy Woman” In Last Place, Are You Serious?
“Witchy Woman” is an Eagles standard on par with “Hotel California,” and I can’t believe it’s been slandered in this way. It’s outrageous to put this song at the bottom of any list, unless it’s ranking the Eagles’ debut tracklist in alphabetical order. That’s fine. I’d put it at No. 2 on this list, though. As a Halloween song, it’s not the most thrilling, but it’s got a sultry foundation that stays solid throughout. Perfect for anyone wanting to channel some sort of sexy 70s spell caster. A little Season of the Witch energy, maybe. Or perhaps Blood Orgy of the She-Devils is more your speed.
“(Don’t Fear) The Reaper” and “Twilight Zone” Could Be Higher
Another crime to have “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper” sitting so low on this list. As a Halloween song, sure, it’s whatever. Mostly, it reminds me of season one episode 12 of Supernatural when the Grim Reaper chases a jogger through the woods (if you watched it on Netflix after they stopped sending out DVDs, they had to change the song, sorry). But there’s no denying that mid-track vibe shift. My list has “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper” sitting at No. 7, and “Twilight Zone” at No. 17. I don’t love “Twilight Zone,” but it deserves at least a little more credit than No. 23.
Michael Jackson Fans Are Big Mad About “Thriller” at No. 22, It Seems
I’d like to take a preemptive moment of silence for all the Michael Jackson fans who are going to be mad at me in a second… But I think “Thriller” is overrated as a Halloween song. It’s a good song, please don’t hurt me. But it’s overplayed, and every other spookytime playlist is oversaturated with it. You guys can go ahead and categorize it as the “All I Want For Christmas Is You” of Halloween, but I’d like a little variety in my diet. That being said, I think No. 22 is way low. I put it at No. 15, and that’s definitely not so “Thriller” fans will take it easy on me (please).
“Vampire,” “Ghost,” and “Super Gremlin” Are Ranked Too High, I Fear
In my heart, I know this ranking system is not based on song quality or any Halloween-adjacent themes besides a spooky word in the title. It’s analytically based on where these songs landed on the Hot 100 chart. I know this, and still I can’t wrap my head around why these three songs are ranked so highly. “Vampire” at No. 20? “Ghost” at No. 18? “Super Gremlin” at No. 16? If this wasn’t based on untouchable and verifiable chart data of years past, I’d say it’s time for someone to check the batteries in their carbon monoxide detector. These songs fall as No. 23, 24, and 25 on my own list. And no, it doesn’t really matter in which order they fall.
“Devil Went Down To Georgia” is Top 5, easy
To be fair, “Devil Went Down To Georgia” is not your typical Halloween song. It’s usually reserved for drunken Country Bear Jamborees at your friend’s house or attempting to bond with your dad. And maybe sometimes you’ll find yourself at a dueling pianos night in downtown Nashville, where you slip one of the pianists five dollars and an antagonistic note that reads, “bet you won’t play ‘Devil Went Down To Georgia.’” Anyway, basically, it doesn’t immediately scream Halloween, but it really should. A classic devil-at-the-crossroads conundrum solved by absolutely shredding the fiddle easily deserves a Top 5 spot.
Mid-Range Rankings Are Actually Not Bad, With One Exception
Not much to say here except “Black Magic Woman” is promoted from No. 15 to No. 3 for me. Other than that, “Bad Moon Rising” and “Devil Woman” are solid. “Devil Inside” has got to go, though; banished to No. 20 on my list, and “Devil With A Blue Dress On” is one step up at No. 19. But from there, “Black Cat,” “Dark Lady,” “Somebody’s Watching Me,” and “On Our Own” fall relatively close to my own rankings.
But I Prefer Dusty Springfield’s “Spooky” COver If We’re Being Honest
Rarely does a cover surpass the original, but Dusty Springfield’s 1968 version of “Spooky” hits different on a personal level. It could be the seductive instrumentals, the whispery vocals, the saxophone, or the amalgamation of it all. But if you gave me a choice between the two, I’d go Dusty every time. The Classics IV version falls at No. 12 on my list, but the Dusty Springfield version is No. 1 in my heart.
“The Monster Mash” is Good, But Have You Thought About Maybe Anything Else In the No. 1 Spot?
“The Monster Mash” is a classic, but have we considered maybe that’s what’s holding it back? Is there room at the top for something new and innovative? An alternative approach to Halloween songs that could blow the whole industry wide open? My pitch for Shark Tank is moving “Frankenstein” up to No. 1 and making it the new sound of Halloween. I’m asking for three trillion dollars to do this, and if you don’t agree, I’ll spend all Halloween tweeting sad black and white photo edits of depressing lyrics with no context. The Reese’s peanut butter pumpkin is in your basket, as they say.
Photo by Pete Still/Redferns
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